Doing Something a Little Different

Now that I have a child, my time to create content is limited. I have a handful of half-written blog posts, a full-page list of post ideas, and two filmed videos yet to be edited (from 3 months ago). I want to produce intentional, valuable content for you all, but that is not going to happen in the pre-planned, structured process I've done before. At least not any time soon. So I've decided to be a bit more off-the-cuff with my blog and write journal style for a while. Enjoy!

The week started great. My friend, Marcelia, came to hang out at my house on Sunday. It was fun to sit on the floor and play with Logan while catching up and having drinks. Logan is such an easy little boy. He is content to play, entertain you with his gibberish and laughter and watch tv (no, I don't love his tv time, but the tv is always on in our house, so no getting around it).

We didn't do anything special for Labor Day this year. I enjoyed time with Logan while Doug helped his sister and brother-in-law with some projects at their new house... right next door! We are super excited to have them as our neighbors and can't wait to be able to send Logan over to Aunt Mandie's when we need a break.

While it is always nice to start the week with an extra day off, it made for a hectic four days of work. My boss decided to retire finally, and now I am adjusting to a new leader. My new boss is very different from my former one. I want to impress, but I also need to learn their communication style, personality, and priorities. Right now, I’m having to check myself before I wreck myself, as the saying goes. These next few weeks are going to be long, tiring, and filled with anxiety. Note to self: pick up more cider beer.

On top of being a short work week, I also had my yearly physical and blood work. My cholesterol had been on the higher side since Logan was born. I had blood work completed back in March and was cautioned by my doctor if my cholesterol was still high, he would recommend medication. Thankfully, my cholesterol was more acceptable, and my HDL (the good cholesterol) was excellent!

BUT, my fasting glucose came back elevated, in the prediabetes range. Because I had gestational diabetes while I was pregnant and diabetes runs in my family, my doctor wanted me to get a hemoglobin study (just more blood work) to check my A1C. This test measured my average sugar levels over the last three months.

I was pretty sure my test would come back in the prediabetes range, but, woot!, woot! my A1C was perfect, with no signs of prediabetes or diabetes. So, for now, we will repeat blood work in six months.

The week ended with Mr. Logan deciding he didn't want to sleep through the night, something he does every few days or so. We are never quite sure what causes his night wakings: teething, room temperature (his room is above our garage and runs either too warm or too cold and rarely just right, we have a space heater and a ceiling fan to assist with getting it close to comfortable), digestive issues, hunger, nightmares. It's always a guessing game. Most nights, I guess correctly.

But Friday night, he did NOT want to go to bed, and it took Doug and I a few times switching off before he finally fell asleep and stayed asleep. Saturday night, he went down around 7:45 pm and then was awake again around 9 pm. After a few tries to get him back to sleep, to no avail, I decided to let him play on the floor in his room. We sang songs, practiced pull-to-stand, read a few books, and by 11 pm, I was exhausted to wanted to sleep. We tried putting him in our bed, something we have done a handful of times out of desperation, but after thirty minutes of him laying there fussing and crying and kicking us, Doug and I were at our limit.

I finally gave in and pulled out a bag of frozen breastmilk and a bottle. We had nixed the bedtime bottle the week before, and Logan hadn't received any bottles in over a week. I was hesitant to give him a bottle again because I didn't want him to regress. But, of course, that did the trick. Whether he was hungry because it had been five hours since dinner and usually he was asleep at that time, or the sucking sensation provided comfort for him to relax to sleep, who knows?! But I hope it was a one-off thing.

Fingers crossed this week will be less chaotic and easy. I am looking forward to making a batch of gluten-free, dairy-free apple cider donuts and purchasing a couple of oversized flannel shirts to get me in the mood for Fall.

I hope your week was not as rough as mine, but if it was, I'm sending good vibes your way for a productive, stress-free week. What are you looking forward to this week? Any fun autumn traditions you want to share?

A Canceled Baby Shower and Isolation During Pregnancy

Today was supposed to be my baby shower. But due to Covid19, we had to cancel as so many other expectant mamas have had to do. And I could be sad about today. About missing out on such a special milestone in my first and possibly only pregnancy. But instead, I am choosing to be grateful, happy, and optimistic.

I'm grateful myself, my baby, my husband, and our family and friends are all healthy and at least physically unaffected by this virus. My fingers and toes are crossed, that remains the case. I'm grateful to be blessed with so many wonderful friends and family who have sent or dropped off gifts even though the shower was canceled weeks ago.

I'm happy it's a beautiful day here today, sunny and warm, which is my favorite kind of weather. And I'm so glad I have the whole day free to soak in all this sun while reading a book and writing this post.

And I'm optimistic this time we are living through, literally history in the making shall pass eventually. My experiences during this pregnancy have been far from what I initially expected. However, in many ways, it's been just what I expected and also even better than I expected.

Why Be Sad When You Could Be Glad

No, I won't have beautiful memories and pictures of getting together with friends and family to celebrate our little boy before his arrival. But I was planning on having pizza, hoagies, and an ice cream bar at the shower. With a recent diagnosis of gestational diabetes, I wouldn't have been able to partake in all that yummy food. So instead, we're hoping to have a "Meet the Baby" get together after his arrival. And hopefully, then I'll be able to eat all the pizza and ice cream I want.

And no, my husband currently can't accompany me to any of the prenatal appointments I've had over the last few weeks. But with his work schedule, I don't think he would have been able to attend those appointments anyway. We've found other ways to keep him connected to this pregnancy and our little one. I immediately send ultrasound photos or videos. I fill him in on what he missed: if the baby was cooperative or uncooperative, an update on his development, growth and the progression of the pregnancy, and my thoughts and feelings regarding the appointment. He also reads books at bedtime, touches my belly when little man is going crazy, and has helped set up the nursery. He's about as connected and involved with this pregnancy and our son as I'd expect him to be regardless of the current situation.

And no, I may not be able to have my doula in the room with us while I give birth (that one is still a possibility, so I'm going to hold out hope) or have visitors at the hospital afterward. BUT it's incredible what this pandemic has created in regards to virtual connection. My doula can be there via IPad or phone to offer suggestions for pain management and walk my husband through the best ways to be supportive. She can also provide her opinion regarding how our pregnancy is progressing. It's been helpful to know ahead of time she may only be there virtually. I have done more research on what I can do to create a calm and positive atmosphere and how to be a self-advocate for the labor I'm hoping to endure.

I've had the time to practice breathing techniques and put together a few labor playlists to listen to during the various stages of labor. I've created a vision board with prompts to remind me to relax my body, breathe slowly and deeply, and to trust that my body knows what it's doing. I'm performing daily exercises and holding postures that are said to help progress labor. And I'm quizzing my husband on my birth plan as much as I can, so hopefully, some of it will stick with him. Long story short, I'm a person that likes to be prepared and having a heads up that I might have to do this solo (or at least without a doula), I'm taking the time to prepare mentally, physically, and emotionally.

And as far as visitors after his arrival, I have no clue how my childbirth experience will be. I can plan as much as I want, but until it's over and he's here, I'm not sure what physical or emotional state I'll be in after labor. Knowing people aren't waiting to swarm in to offer congratulations and to paw my brand new baby is kind of refreshing and peaceful. Sorry to any family reading this. I love you all and know you are super excited to meet him, but the idea of not having to "entertain" anyone for the first few days sounds appealing. I'm sure many people feel the opposite. But I know myself and while I may be begging for the help after his arrival, right now I like the idea of our little family riding the newborn wave solo for the first two or three days. After that, bring all the help!! LOL.

What to Expect When You're Expecting...

This period of my pregnancy is also going exactly as anticipated in many ways. My body is growing and changing every day. Some days I wake up feeling great, and other days I am uncomfortable from the minute I open my eyes. Some nights I sleep soundly and other nights I'm awake every hour having to pee or attempting to readjust my position to get comfortable.

Some days I feel almost light on my feet, and other days I know I'm waddling like Donald Duck. There have been moments that just for a second, I forget I'm pregnant until I catch myself in the mirror and see my bulging belly. Some days my mood and temperament are even and typical. Other days I feel certifiable. I can cry watching a sitcom or become enraged over a simple request to laminate an extra sheet of paper. I can have mood swings that give my husband whiplash.

And there are doctors' appointments, lots of them during this time. Even if some of them are via telemedicine, I still have to be at every single one. There was one week, not too long ago, when I had five appointments in three days! And I don't see the telemedicine visits as missing out on pregnancy milestones, I see them as peace of mind. I'm sure if there were concerns, my doctors wouldn't hesitate to bring me in more often. The fact I have telemedicine visits lets me know things are progressing as they should.

Can I Get an AMEN!!!

There are many things I could be bummed about, there are also many things I'm jazzed about. I have time to prepare for this baby. Not having obligations on the weekend gives me time to set up and organize the nursery. To wash all the clothing, bedding, blankets I've received. And to declutter the house to make room for baby items. I can pamper myself with a nice long bath, a pedicure (even though it's getting really hard to reach my toes), or a mid-day nap. I can read all the books I purchased to prepare for childbirth and postpartum and infant care. That in itself is pretty sweet.

I've also been working from home for the last eight weeks, which will hopefully continue until close to my due date. During this time, I don't have to wear pants!!!! Can I get a hallelujah from all the pregnant ladies?! I get to sleep in. I can take a nap on my lunch break if needed. I can switch out loads of laundry throughout the day, so I don't have to do it when I come home. I can prep dinner on a break, so it's ready to go once I clock out for the day.

Working from home in the last part of pregnancy has been glorious!! I wake up, get a workout in, maybe shower, maybe not and roll up to my desk in leggings and a t-shirt that I may or may not have slept in. And it doesn't matter because no one, except my husband, will see me. My skin feels great because I've been sans makeup for weeks, so no need to scrub and rub my face at night. My hair is still looking good because I'm not torturing it with a curling iron or flat iron on the daily. Hell, if I wash my hair twice a week, that's an accomplishment. I have free time to do the things that matter like workout and meditate or cook a healthy meal since I don't have to get "presentable" and commute to an office.

This will also make the transition from pregnancy to maternity leave a little easier. I get to go from working from home during a time of isolation to staying home during maternity leave with periods of isolation. I know for some mamas, it's tough to transition from social interactions every day to being at home full time mostly alone.

I get to spend all day with my cats, which I know they appreciate. I know my time to cuddle and baby them will be limited once little man is on the scene so I’m soaking it in now. My husband is working from home too, so we eat lunch together every day, during breaks we check-in to see how each others' days are going. When work is over for the day, we can put on our sneakers and go for a walk. We don't have to wait for the other to get home or stop and make dinner first. We look out the window, and if it's decent out, we go for a walk. This time I have to connect with the person and animals I love the most is so precious, and I don't take a single minute of it for granted.

Now, sure I miss my co-worker, seeing my nieces and family and having dinner dates with friends, but those things all still happen just different now. We can zoom, have driveway/porch check-ins, or have social distance coffee chats in the front yard. It's different, but it's doable.

I guess it helps that my husband and I are more homebodies and less social butterflies, but I'm loving the quarantine life most days. I'm trying to use this time wisely and set myself up for survival once the baby comes. Now, this doesn't mean there aren't things I'm bummed about.

FOMO for Real!

I was really looking forward to a pregnancy massage or two. I hear prenatal massages feel amazing!! I wanted to have a few chiropractic appointments to adjust my hip alignment and ease any backaches. I expected to be able to browse racks of infant clothes and purchase a few outfits, books, and toys that were just from me.

I wish I would have taken a prenatal yoga class before all this started. I've done a few online, but taking a class would have also allowed me to connect with other expectant mothers in my area. I planned to pamper myself every few weeks with gel manicures and spa pedicures while I sat in the chair and relished in the alone time. I purchased Groupon tickets to go to a float spa with my husband. Feeling weightless while pregnant must feel incredible. And I’m missing out on all the attention and adoration that comes from strangers and co-workers when you are pregnant.

But, if I let myself think about all the milestones I'm missing out on, I could really put myself into a funk. So instead, I'm looking for things to be grateful for during this isolating time: being outdoors, feeling the sun on my face, and the wiggles of a very active baby in my belly. And I'm choosing to be happy!

What are you missing out on while in quarantine? What are you loving about this time?

Make Automatic Cleaning Part of Your Life

I mentioned last week that staying on routines would help me meet my goal to "survive" the year. One of the habits I already have in place is for household cleaning. Life gets busy and it’s easy to get off track and then overwhelmed with the amount of chores it takes to keep a home running smoothly. When we moved in together, my husband and I decided to split the home maintenance tasks. You can read about why and how we divided up the cleaning chores here.

But regardless if you go it alone or you have someone to share the tasks with, you can still divide up your chores into daily chunks or implement a weekly routine to make maintaining a clean home automatic. I also find having a set cleaning schedule helps me get things done even when other areas of my life get busy. Keep reading to see how I came up with my weekly routine and a few tips to help you implement your own routines.

Creating a Plan

A few weeks after we moved into our house, and after we divided up the chores, I thought about what a typical week looks like for us and answered the below questions. Once I had a baseline of events for my week, I took all my tasks and plugged them in on days that made sense.

1. What days are busiest for you at work, school, in your social life?

Mondays are my busiest days at work. I'm usually there a little later than usual, and I know I'll be mentally exhausted and just want to chill out when I get home. So keeping Mondays chore-free are ideal.

2. What events within the week are out of your control?

I can't move my trash pick up day, or the day my favorite yoga instructor teaches the evening class. Those events are out of my control, and I need to plan around them.

3. What tasks make sense to complete on the same day?

For me, It makes sense to clean the bathrooms on the same day I launder our whites. This way, I can wash our towels, bath mats, and cleaning cloths in the cycle following the whites. If there is any residual bleach left in the machine, I'd rather it discolor my towels than our everyday clothing.

Other tasks that I prefer to do on the same day are grocery shopping (or in my case grocery pick-up) and meal prep. When I bring my groceries back to the house, I can wash and cut veggies and fruits before they ever hit the fridge. I can also divide out larger amounts of meat for dinners during the current week and freeze the rest. I make my mason jar salads for lunches and our week's worth of apple cider vinegar drinks.

Sticking to Routines

After you have your plan laid out, how do you stick to it?

• Complete a specific task on the same day each week or follow a cadence: Monday, Wednesday, and Friday , for example.

  In writing out your plan, you most likely already identified certain days for specific tasks based on your responses to the questions above.

• In addition to picking a specific day, you should also complete these tasks at the time each week.

  I choose to complete my daily duties immediately after I get home from work, including cooking dinner. Get it done before you get distracted by the comforts or craziness of home. For weekend chores, choose the same day, and use an event to trigger your task. For example, I wash our bedding on Saturdays. When my husband and I get out of bed for the day, we immediately strip the bed and take everything down to the laundry room and throw in the first load.

• Set alarms or reminders to complete these tasks until you've done so many times it becomes automatic.

A Look at my Week

Monday - That first day back to work from the weekend is brutal, so I keep it easy. My only chore on Monday is to cook dinner. And most times, I make a larger amount of dinner on Sunday, leaving us with leftovers for Monday, giving me time to relax and recharge for the rest of the week.

Tuesday - I clean our bathrooms and wash the whites, bath mats, shower curtains, and towels (bath towels, dish towels, cleaning cloths, etc.). I throw in a load of whites in the morning before heading out for the day. I use the delay start on my washing machine and set it to start an hour before the end of my workday. When I get home from work, the load has recently finished. I can throw the whites into the dryer and toss a load of towels into the washing machine. One load of laundry halfway completed, and I didn't even break a sweat. By the time I finish cleaning the bathroom and starting dinner, I can switch out another load.

Wednesday - I cook dinner and plan meals for the next week or two. I use the meal plans to create a grocery list for pick up on Sunday. I also folder my whites and towels Wednesdays after work. I know this doesn't work for everyone, but with only myself and my husband, I can fold and put away Tuesday's laundry in less than ten minutes.

Thursday - My trash pick up is Friday morning, so we use Thursday to clean out the refrigerator, empty all the trash cans, clean the cat litter boxes, and vacuum the floors. Then my husband takes all the trash from our house out to the curb before dinner. I also use Thursdays to wash blankets the cats lay on throughout the week and their window seat covers. Then I run a cycle to clean the washer before Friday's laundry. Again I try to cook enough on Wednesday to have leftovers for Thursday.

Friday - I use Friday to wash our clothing. Again I throw in a load before work and set the delay start. Change out the loads as soon as I get home and then start dinner. I keep Friday easy as a treat for surviving the week.

Saturday - We wash our bedding and fold and put away clothing from Friday's laundry. Saturdays are usually less routine, so dinner can be anything from take out, going out, or making something quick and easy from the freezer.

Sunday - I lounge in bed until I have to go pick up groceries. Then I come home to unpack, wash fruits and veggies, make a week's worth of jarred salads and ACV drinks, cut up vegetables for meals that week, and portion out any meat. I also cook a larger dinner to have leftovers for Monday. Sunday is a great day for a crockpot meal.

When I can stick to my routines it’s much easier to maintain a clean house and eat healthier. My routines work for me, and I've been doing them since we moved into our house four years ago, so they are automatic at this point. But my schedule may not work for you and your life. Your routines should make sense for your life. The good news is if you try something out and realize it doesn't work, no big deal, take another look at your typical week and move around your tasks until you find something that does work.

Do you have any tips for making cleaning easier in your life? What are some of your tried and true routines?

Blog-mopolitan Quiz

Some things don’t go as you plan. My intention was to post about my bathroom renovation today, but we’re still a few days out from completion. What I expected to take 5-ish days has turned into almost three weeks and counting. So I have to be flexible and change up the plan.

I have always wanted to do one of these "Cosmo-inspired” blogger quizzes. So I figured today was a great day to have a little fun and create one of my own. Enjoy!

I hope you enjoyed learning a little more about me. Hopefully my bathroom will be completed soon and I can show you before and after pics.

Until then I’d love to learn more about you. Pick your favorite questions and answer them in the comments!

October Goal Setting and Progress So Far

Recalibrating your yearly goals in October seems to be a trend recently. When my Instagram feed started blowing up with posts about "the last 90 days" of 2019, I had to pause, where the hell did the last nine months go? I am sure all of you have had similar discussions or revelations about the year flying by.

I wanted to jump on the goal-setting/goal recalibrating bandwagon. But I had already missed out on most of October. Was it too late for me to set some new goals for the last 60 days? I decided it was worth the effort to start a few weeks late.

I reviewed the list of goals I wrote back in January. As I considered that list, I realized half of the items didn't apply now, and the other half didn't excite me anymore. So I started this process by making a list of all the accomplishments I've achieved thus far. I wanted to see where I should put more effort. Also, I was hoping looking back at my recent accomplishments would give me a boost of motivation.

My "Wins"

• I volunteer each month at my pap 's nursing home.

Volunteering has been a huge accomplishment for me. Older people make me uncomfortable, and that fear was stopping me from visiting my pap. With my grandma passing earlier this year in February, it has been even more important to spend as much time with my pap as possible.

• I completed two Whole30s.

While I would love to complete three this year, I don't see that happening. And 60 days of eating clean, unprocessed foods is way better than NOT eating clean for 60 days.

• I have read 16 books so far.

• We updated the flooring in our living room, hallway, and bedrooms from carpet to engineered hardwood.

• We reached our emergency savings goal.

• I worked with a life coach.

Working with a life coach was both a financial investment and an act of courage, but this accomplishment led me to the biggest win of my year so far.

• I launched my blog.

An not only did I start a blog, but I fought back many fears of imperfection, judgment, and "not being good enough." I took the time to plan out the steps it would take to launch this blog the right way. I even pushed back my initial launch date by a few weeks. And I have continued to publish weekly posts.

That's quite a list! I was surprised at how much I accomplished so far.

Time for Some Year End Goals

Now that I had my wins laid out in front of me, I took some time to think about how I wanted to end the year. And the overall theme was to be healthier. For me, that meant getting back to my healthy habits, giving myself time in the morning, working out consistently, and eating a mostly whole foods diet. I also decided to give my brain a break and stick to reading only fun, fictional books. I was going to stop there, but I knew I needed to keep the momentum going with the blog, so I added a goal for the blog as well.

When all was said and done, I had five goals to focus on for the last two-ish months of the year.

• Wake up at 6 am every weekday.

• Work out 4-5 times every week.

• Plan out the next seven days of meals every Tuesday.

• Read only fictional books until 2020.

• Continue to publish one blog post every Wednesday.
  

Progress so far...

I decided on these goals a few weeks ago, so I am currently in week three.

• Wake up at 6 am every weekday.

I woke up twice at 6am the first week and twice the second week. This week it's bed = 3 and Kim = 0. In my defense, we are currently renovating the only bathroom in our house and took off work Monday and Tuesday to work on the bathroom. Since our bathroom is not yet complete, we are staying at the in-laws' house in the interim, so my routine has gone out the window with this goal. I'll try again once we are fully back in our home.

• Work out 4-5 times every week.

I completed four workouts the first week, along with 30 minutes of walking on my lunch break all five days. The second week I finished three workouts along with four days of walking on my lunch break. This week so far, I have worked out twice with a lunchtime walk today. I don't foresee any additional workouts happening until Saturday. But walking up and down my steps at home gathering tools for my husband counts as exercise, right?

• Plan out the next seven days of meals every Tuesday.

Yeah, this hasn't happened at all. I don't have any excuses either. I just didn't do it (shrug).

• Read only fictional books until 2020.

I was kicking ass on this goal. I read two fiction books since I set this goal. Unfortunately, I'm waiting on the library for the next fiction book on my list. So until it's ready for me, I picked up a non-fiction book I had in my "To Be Read" pile. Readers gonna read.

• Continue to publish a blog post every Wednesday.

Well, here you are reading my most recent blog post published on a Wednesday. I'm at least at 100% for this goal!

While thinking about all my accomplishments, my end of year goals and my progress thus far, I'm deciding to add a sixth goal to my list. And that goal is to be easier on myself when I don't hit my targets. Shit happens, bathroom renovations take longer (way longer) than anticipated. But as long as I am reaching for my goals most days, I'm considering that a win.

In a few weeks, I'll post an update, and maybe I'll be back on track. Or...maybe I won't.

Have you set end of year goals for yourself? Is one of those goals to be kinder to yourself for not hitting your targets? If not, it should be.

Let me know in the comments.

Not-So-Random Acts of Encouragement

Yesterday I happily mailed out the third installment of a ten-card kindness program in which I am participating. My cousin-in-law is a school teacher in Ohio, and she, along with her co-worker, created the "Spreading Kindness One Letter at a Time" project. This initiative pairs an adult with a student from their fourth-grade class. The participant writes a positive and encouraging letter or card to their student each month for the entire school year.

Volunteering for this program has me thinking quite a bit about how small acts of kindness can impact someone's life. When I published my pregnancy journey post a few weeks ago, I felt so appreciative and thankful for all the positive and inspirational comments and messages I received. So many friends, family members, and total strangers shared their personal stories with me and offered their encouraging words and hopeful prayers. It was heart-warming and humbling to receive so much encouragement in an area where I am struggling.

But in thinking about this Kindness Project, both the receiver and the giver are impacted. I always feel happier and inspired after writing out a card for this project. I am making a difference in a child's life, and that feels good.

Selfish or Selfless?

It may be a little selfish, but those feel-good feelings have inspired me to think of more ways I can interject some acts of encouragement into my life and continue to spread the good vibes. My first idea was to make a list of family, friends, and acquaintances and then commit to sending one card per month. I could work my way through the list until everyone was crossed off.

But after sitting with that idea for a little while, I decided I wanted this practice to be organic and thoughtful, requiring me to be more mindful and attentive in my relationships. I'm not thoughtless, but I tend to move quickly through my interactions. Much like how we scroll through social media feeds, I don't take much time to pause and reflect about the person with whom I just had a connection.

Just One Minute of Your Time

All it takes is one minute to think, "Hey, he seems to be struggling with x,y,z." or "Wow! I don't know how she does it all? What a superwoman!" or "I haven't heard from her in a while. She must be really busy?" While each scenario is different, a struggling friend, someone inspiring, or a co-worker who's really busy. I bet each person would be thankful and feel loved to get a card with a few encouraging sentences. A little, "Hi. I see what you're doing in the world, and I think you are amazing." How great would that feel to be the person making them feel amazing, even if only for that day?!

So instead of a random card each month, I want to be more intentional and not-so-random with my encouraging words. I want to not only make that person's day, but also live in the moment and be more thoughtful in my relationships. And the good vibes it puts out into the universe couldn't hurt either.

Are You Ready to Put Good Vibes Out in the Universe?

I wanted to share this project to hopefully inspire you to start a not-so-random acts of encouragement practice of your own. And at the very least, maybe get you thinking about all the times you've been on the receiving end of kindness and bring a smile to your face. :)

If you need somewhere to start here are a couple of options. A co-worker of mine shared them with me today. What perfect timing!

• Cards for Hospitalized Kids - This organization accepts handmade cards and distributes them to hospitals and Ronald McDonald Houses across the nation.

• Operation We Are Here - This website has great resources for groups that coordinate distribution of cards and care packages for deployed military. This site also has suggestions of quotes and topics for the cards. A co-worker shared them with me today.

Why not start a new family tradition this Thanksgiving and get the entire family to make cards for a hospitalized child or a deployed service member and get them in mail just in time for the holidays.

And if you are a school teacher, take note of the "Speaking Kindness One Letter at a Time" project and consider implementing something similar at your school. Image all the lives that could be affected just by sending one positive letter a month!

Remember: Kindness is like glitter. Sprinkle that shit everywhere!

What have you implemented in your life to spread good vibes and kindness? Let’s share ALL the ideas!!!

Trying to Get Pregnant Sucks

Hi friends! I wanted to give today’s post a little introduction/explanation. I wrote this post a few weeks ago after another month of trying to conceive with no success. My body was confusing the hell out of me and I was convinced I was pregnant. The day my period was supposed to arrive came and went and I got just a tiny bit excited. The next morning I planned to take a pregnancy test, but instead was greeted by Aunt Flo and I was devastated. My emotions were all over the place and out came this post.

And while I don’t always feel this way, I do sometimes have difficult days and this particular day was one of my hardest days in the last few months. Writing out my feelings in this post was extremely freeing and therapeutic. But I wasn’t sure if I should share this on the blog. It’s very personal and makes me feel vulnerable and uncomfortable knowing people will read these words. But I want this blog to be real. And the purpose of this blog is to push myself out of my comfort zone. What better way to do that then putting my thoughts and feelings on display. Thank you for taking the time to read this wordy introduction and the post below.

I'm going on a little rant today about trying to get pregnant. I've been feeling ALL the feelings about this topic recently, and need to let it out. So, (deep breath) here it goes.

Trying to get pregnant fucking sucks!

My husband and I have been trying to have a baby for the last 14 months. And I'm just sooo over it. My time is spent peeing on sticks, tracking my cycle, questioning every bodily function, and calendaring every time we have sex. My mind is, unconsciously, in a constant state of anxiety and stress, which, of course, are horrible conditions for getting pregnant.

And when the pee sticks are finally smiling (a.k.a ovulation time), my husband and I are everything but excited to get busy. Seriously. When it’s ovulation time sex feels like such a chore. Don’t get me wrong, I very much enjoy being intimate with my husband, but when it’s something you HAVE to do instead of something you WANT to do it’s just another thing to cross of the to-do list. Which is no fun. BUT...this is our only chance for the next 3-4 weeks to make that baby, so let's get it on.

The first few months, I tried to be nonchalant and even seductive about it being THAT time because I didn't want to put too much pressure on my husband to perform. But the months and months and months of trying for a baby wear on you. And I'm tired of pretending to be super turned on when really I'm just ovulating and want to get down to business so we can move along with our day. This all sounds so sexy, I know.

The Two Week Torture

Then for the next two weeks, I scrutinize every symptom and feeling like, "Hmm, is that a metal taste in my mouth?" or "Do my boobs feel tender?" or "Oh, I'm exhausted today. Hmmm…" And as I get closer to the dreaded period, I start to pick apart every abdominal cramp, every crazy dream, and every dropped utensil. Every time I go to the bathroom, I silently pray, "Please don't see blood. Please don't see blood."

When I don't see blood, usually because it's a day or two too soon, I'm relieved and still hopeful. But when I do eventually see the beginning traces of my period, I'm resentful of my body, disappointed, depressed, and angry. I can’t wrap my brain around it. How could we not be pregnant? We had perfectly timed intercourse, I kept my hips elevated for exactly 15 minutes post sexy time, and I feel like someone inflated my chest with saline while I was sleeping. So, not only am I angry, but I feel betrayed by my body and also foolish for really believing this was it, for the 10th time. I basically shouldn't be around people for the next 24-48 hours. I'm like a child throwing a temper tantrum because they are hungry or tired, and have no clue how to rationalize their feelings.

Babies EVERYWHERE!!

And of course, all I see anywhere I go are babies or pregnant ladies. On my favorite TV show, commercials in between TV shows, ads on the radio, in ALL the stores, the restaurants, driving around my neighborhood… babies are EVERYWHERE except in my uterus. And I don't want to be sad or resentful of these cute babies or the pregnant mommas, but sometimes I am. And that sucks.

So, I allow myself to be miserable for a few days because, according to all the self-help books, you should allow yourself to feel all your feelings. But eventually, I get tired of being miserable. So I give myself my best, "Put your big girl panties on" or "Have faith in your path" or "Be patient, God has perfect timing" speeches until I can pull it together and feel semi-normal just in time to start peeing on sticks all over again. Yeah me!

I know everyone says being pregnant and having children is exhausting, but trying to get pregnant to have those children is also exhausting! Mentally, Physically, Emotionally, Spiritually, Socially. I don't know how many kids’ birthdays or friends’ parties I've turned down because I didn't want to pretend to be interested in a conversation with the guys while all the women are tending to their children. I want to be one of those women! But I’m not yet so, No I don’t want to come to your kid’s 5th birthday party. Maybe next year. This shit definitely takes a toll on your social and emotional well-being.

Emotional Roller Coasters

And can we talk about hormones for a minute? Until I went off the birth control pill, I thought I was a girl who had her shit together emotionally. I had trouble controlling my facial expressions (and still do), but for the most part, I could keep my feelings quietly tucked away on the inside where no one had to see them but me and the very few people I’ve let see me vulnerable.

But now, holy shit, sometimes I think I'm legit insane. I'll be watching a home renovation show, and tears will start streaming down my face. My husband will turn, looking equal parts concerned and scared, and ask if I'm alright. To which I reply, laughing at this point because while also concerned I’m more confused, "I have no clue why I'm crying, but I can't stop."

If I have no idea why I'm crying, how am I supposed to know if what I'm feeling is a legitimate emotion or just my over-active hormones fucking with my sanity? And I am really angry because you brought home the wrong milk or did my estrogen just take a dip? Am I really anxious to drive on the highway, nope that’s the progesterone. I have all these feelings and stress and crazy thoughts just taking up space in my mind day in and day out on a loop every 28-30 days. And all my husband has to do is get it up!

Let me be clear, my husband is wonderful. He is loving, attentive, affectionate, but he has no clue. And he may not admit it, but he doesn't want to know either. He's perfectly happy with as little involvement as necessary. And I get it! I would want to be blissfully unaware, too, if it wasn't happening to me.

So, there you have it, my thoughts on TCC ("trying to conceive"). It's confusing and scary and all kinds of exhausting. It's lonely and heartbreaking and just sad. In a nutshell, it's the fucking worst! ...But also, hopefully, the best lesson on patience I'll ever learn.

If you are in this season of your life like I am, or you struggled to conceive, or maybe you had zero issues, but can understand the struggle, I'd love to hear from you in the comments below.

What are your thoughts on trying to get pregnant?

You Run the Vacuum and I’ll Clean the Bathroom: A Must-Have Conversation Before Living Together

**Disclaimer: I am not a relationship or marriage expert. This is just my opinion and what worked for my relationship.

Doug and I made the decision to move in together two years after we started dating and three years before we tied the knot. It was important for us to see how our relationship would evolve by living together. As the big day got closer, we had the typical conversations a couple should have before living together. We discussed our finances and budgeting. And living in a single bathroom home, we hashed out our morning and nighttime routines. But the most important conversation we had in those weeks leading up to our cohabitation was about the division of household responsibilities and our expectations for cleanliness.

Thankfully, we agreed the household responsibilities should be equally divided, and we were on the same page as far as cleanliness was concerned. So one afternoon (or maybe it was evening, that was four years ago at this point) we sat down and listed out all the household duties. We included everything from cleaning the bathrooms and cooking dinners to yard work, routine maintenance, and even making the bed. After our list was completed, we went chore by chore and moved it to either Doug’s section or mine.

Dividing the Chores

Doug has allergies, so a home free of dust was a must for him. Unfortunately, I grew up tortured by my weekly chores of dusting and vacuuming and still dislike them to this day. It seemed only logical for Doug to dust the house and clean the floors. I enjoyed cooking and was comfortable in a grocery store, so I took on the role of house chef. Doug liked yard work and took pride in a well-kept property. And while I enjoy the outdoors, the idea of gardening, mowing the lawn and shoveling snow makes me cringe. So he became yardmaster and bought himself a sweet riding mower/tractor.

And on it went. Auto maintenance and general handyman tasks went to Doug. I took on cleaning the bathrooms and laundry. I gather all the trash and Doug takes it out to the curb. We decided loading/emptying the dishwasher, and after dinner, clean-up would be a joint effort as much as possible. For the most part, the list was relatively simple to divide, but once we got down to the end, we debated and negotiated. Once all chores were spoken for it was a no-brainer come moving day.

I didn’t realize how vital this conversation was until I mentioned it to my best friend and then again a while later to my co-worker. During both discussions, they expressed their amazement on how logical and practical the conversation seemed. And yet, neither of them had this conversation with their partners. In the last few years, I had similar conversations with friends and family and received similar responses.

A Piece of Advice

At the time, we didn’t think it was an eye-opening conversation. We just knew that a well-kept home was essential to both of us, only in different ways and in different areas. And we knew neither of us wanted to be bogged down doing everything ourselves. Now he has his routines, and I have mine, and everything gets done. That’s not to say sometimes we don’t ask each other for help or a chore doesn’t get completed for a week or two. But we don’t give each other a hard time or nag. We know it will get done eventually and it’s the other person’s responsibility so why worry about it.

I think it’s important to mention if there is a chore that will absolutely drive you bonkers if it doesn’t get completed daily, weekly, whatever your preferred cadence, then that chore should be on your list. The point of this conversation is to remove the stress from an area that could be very stressful for couples living together. It’s not to worry about the tasks your partner did or didn’t do from their list. So if dust building up on your bookshelf will put you in a tizzy, just do it yourself!

What You Appreciate, Appreciates

I can’t tell you how grateful I am for Doug knowing I don’t have to vacuum or mop or dust (I really might have PTSD from moving every little knick-knack and picture frame off the bookcases in my childhood home only to dust the shelf and then put each figurine back in its correct location. Ugh, the worst!).

Not only has this one small conversation saved our relationship from the frustration of chore overwhelm, but the amount of respect and thankfulness we have for each other has grown.

So do yourself a favor and have this conversation. And if you can’t agree or neither of you want to do the chores, then my next piece of advice is budget for a cleaning person. It’s not worth the arguments and stress.

Let’s Review

How do you do decide which chores are yours, and which are your partners?

Step 1: Sit down with a bottle of wine.

Step 2: You and your partner each make two lists: one of the chores you don’t mind taking on and another of the tasks you can’t stand.

Step 3: Compare your lists and make two new lists. One list for the chores you will take on and one for the tasks your partner complete. Example: You don’t mind doing laundry, but your partner has never used a washing machine then add laundry to your chore list.

Step 4: Review the unclaimed chores.

Step 5: Now, you negotiate. “I’ll take unloading the dishwasher if you take grocery shopping.” Continue bartering until all chores have an owner.

You did it! You now have clear expectations, a division of responsibilities, and hopefully, one less thing to stress about as you merge all the things.

What other essential conversations should we be having before combining all the things? I’d love to hear your thoughts.