A Canceled Baby Shower and Isolation During Pregnancy

Today was supposed to be my baby shower. But due to Covid19, we had to cancel as so many other expectant mamas have had to do. And I could be sad about today. About missing out on such a special milestone in my first and possibly only pregnancy. But instead, I am choosing to be grateful, happy, and optimistic.

I'm grateful myself, my baby, my husband, and our family and friends are all healthy and at least physically unaffected by this virus. My fingers and toes are crossed, that remains the case. I'm grateful to be blessed with so many wonderful friends and family who have sent or dropped off gifts even though the shower was canceled weeks ago.

I'm happy it's a beautiful day here today, sunny and warm, which is my favorite kind of weather. And I'm so glad I have the whole day free to soak in all this sun while reading a book and writing this post.

And I'm optimistic this time we are living through, literally history in the making shall pass eventually. My experiences during this pregnancy have been far from what I initially expected. However, in many ways, it's been just what I expected and also even better than I expected.

Why Be Sad When You Could Be Glad

No, I won't have beautiful memories and pictures of getting together with friends and family to celebrate our little boy before his arrival. But I was planning on having pizza, hoagies, and an ice cream bar at the shower. With a recent diagnosis of gestational diabetes, I wouldn't have been able to partake in all that yummy food. So instead, we're hoping to have a "Meet the Baby" get together after his arrival. And hopefully, then I'll be able to eat all the pizza and ice cream I want.

And no, my husband currently can't accompany me to any of the prenatal appointments I've had over the last few weeks. But with his work schedule, I don't think he would have been able to attend those appointments anyway. We've found other ways to keep him connected to this pregnancy and our little one. I immediately send ultrasound photos or videos. I fill him in on what he missed: if the baby was cooperative or uncooperative, an update on his development, growth and the progression of the pregnancy, and my thoughts and feelings regarding the appointment. He also reads books at bedtime, touches my belly when little man is going crazy, and has helped set up the nursery. He's about as connected and involved with this pregnancy and our son as I'd expect him to be regardless of the current situation.

And no, I may not be able to have my doula in the room with us while I give birth (that one is still a possibility, so I'm going to hold out hope) or have visitors at the hospital afterward. BUT it's incredible what this pandemic has created in regards to virtual connection. My doula can be there via IPad or phone to offer suggestions for pain management and walk my husband through the best ways to be supportive. She can also provide her opinion regarding how our pregnancy is progressing. It's been helpful to know ahead of time she may only be there virtually. I have done more research on what I can do to create a calm and positive atmosphere and how to be a self-advocate for the labor I'm hoping to endure.

I've had the time to practice breathing techniques and put together a few labor playlists to listen to during the various stages of labor. I've created a vision board with prompts to remind me to relax my body, breathe slowly and deeply, and to trust that my body knows what it's doing. I'm performing daily exercises and holding postures that are said to help progress labor. And I'm quizzing my husband on my birth plan as much as I can, so hopefully, some of it will stick with him. Long story short, I'm a person that likes to be prepared and having a heads up that I might have to do this solo (or at least without a doula), I'm taking the time to prepare mentally, physically, and emotionally.

And as far as visitors after his arrival, I have no clue how my childbirth experience will be. I can plan as much as I want, but until it's over and he's here, I'm not sure what physical or emotional state I'll be in after labor. Knowing people aren't waiting to swarm in to offer congratulations and to paw my brand new baby is kind of refreshing and peaceful. Sorry to any family reading this. I love you all and know you are super excited to meet him, but the idea of not having to "entertain" anyone for the first few days sounds appealing. I'm sure many people feel the opposite. But I know myself and while I may be begging for the help after his arrival, right now I like the idea of our little family riding the newborn wave solo for the first two or three days. After that, bring all the help!! LOL.

What to Expect When You're Expecting...

This period of my pregnancy is also going exactly as anticipated in many ways. My body is growing and changing every day. Some days I wake up feeling great, and other days I am uncomfortable from the minute I open my eyes. Some nights I sleep soundly and other nights I'm awake every hour having to pee or attempting to readjust my position to get comfortable.

Some days I feel almost light on my feet, and other days I know I'm waddling like Donald Duck. There have been moments that just for a second, I forget I'm pregnant until I catch myself in the mirror and see my bulging belly. Some days my mood and temperament are even and typical. Other days I feel certifiable. I can cry watching a sitcom or become enraged over a simple request to laminate an extra sheet of paper. I can have mood swings that give my husband whiplash.

And there are doctors' appointments, lots of them during this time. Even if some of them are via telemedicine, I still have to be at every single one. There was one week, not too long ago, when I had five appointments in three days! And I don't see the telemedicine visits as missing out on pregnancy milestones, I see them as peace of mind. I'm sure if there were concerns, my doctors wouldn't hesitate to bring me in more often. The fact I have telemedicine visits lets me know things are progressing as they should.

Can I Get an AMEN!!!

There are many things I could be bummed about, there are also many things I'm jazzed about. I have time to prepare for this baby. Not having obligations on the weekend gives me time to set up and organize the nursery. To wash all the clothing, bedding, blankets I've received. And to declutter the house to make room for baby items. I can pamper myself with a nice long bath, a pedicure (even though it's getting really hard to reach my toes), or a mid-day nap. I can read all the books I purchased to prepare for childbirth and postpartum and infant care. That in itself is pretty sweet.

I've also been working from home for the last eight weeks, which will hopefully continue until close to my due date. During this time, I don't have to wear pants!!!! Can I get a hallelujah from all the pregnant ladies?! I get to sleep in. I can take a nap on my lunch break if needed. I can switch out loads of laundry throughout the day, so I don't have to do it when I come home. I can prep dinner on a break, so it's ready to go once I clock out for the day.

Working from home in the last part of pregnancy has been glorious!! I wake up, get a workout in, maybe shower, maybe not and roll up to my desk in leggings and a t-shirt that I may or may not have slept in. And it doesn't matter because no one, except my husband, will see me. My skin feels great because I've been sans makeup for weeks, so no need to scrub and rub my face at night. My hair is still looking good because I'm not torturing it with a curling iron or flat iron on the daily. Hell, if I wash my hair twice a week, that's an accomplishment. I have free time to do the things that matter like workout and meditate or cook a healthy meal since I don't have to get "presentable" and commute to an office.

This will also make the transition from pregnancy to maternity leave a little easier. I get to go from working from home during a time of isolation to staying home during maternity leave with periods of isolation. I know for some mamas, it's tough to transition from social interactions every day to being at home full time mostly alone.

I get to spend all day with my cats, which I know they appreciate. I know my time to cuddle and baby them will be limited once little man is on the scene so I’m soaking it in now. My husband is working from home too, so we eat lunch together every day, during breaks we check-in to see how each others' days are going. When work is over for the day, we can put on our sneakers and go for a walk. We don't have to wait for the other to get home or stop and make dinner first. We look out the window, and if it's decent out, we go for a walk. This time I have to connect with the person and animals I love the most is so precious, and I don't take a single minute of it for granted.

Now, sure I miss my co-worker, seeing my nieces and family and having dinner dates with friends, but those things all still happen just different now. We can zoom, have driveway/porch check-ins, or have social distance coffee chats in the front yard. It's different, but it's doable.

I guess it helps that my husband and I are more homebodies and less social butterflies, but I'm loving the quarantine life most days. I'm trying to use this time wisely and set myself up for survival once the baby comes. Now, this doesn't mean there aren't things I'm bummed about.

FOMO for Real!

I was really looking forward to a pregnancy massage or two. I hear prenatal massages feel amazing!! I wanted to have a few chiropractic appointments to adjust my hip alignment and ease any backaches. I expected to be able to browse racks of infant clothes and purchase a few outfits, books, and toys that were just from me.

I wish I would have taken a prenatal yoga class before all this started. I've done a few online, but taking a class would have also allowed me to connect with other expectant mothers in my area. I planned to pamper myself every few weeks with gel manicures and spa pedicures while I sat in the chair and relished in the alone time. I purchased Groupon tickets to go to a float spa with my husband. Feeling weightless while pregnant must feel incredible. And I’m missing out on all the attention and adoration that comes from strangers and co-workers when you are pregnant.

But, if I let myself think about all the milestones I'm missing out on, I could really put myself into a funk. So instead, I'm looking for things to be grateful for during this isolating time: being outdoors, feeling the sun on my face, and the wiggles of a very active baby in my belly. And I'm choosing to be happy!

What are you missing out on while in quarantine? What are you loving about this time?

January Reset

I am so happy to have said goodbye to 2019. Last year was rough physically, emotionally, and mentally. But now that we have officially started 2020, I also realize I am in no way prepared to start a new year, let alone a new decade.

I don't know how anyone had the time to complete a postmortem of the last year. With Christmas being so soon after Thanksgiving, all the holiday parties and activities and for my family, birthdays. So much happened in my life the last few months, while they went quickly, they also felt like a year all on their own. Before I can commit to new goals and a fresh start to the new year, I have to take some time to sit with all that's happened these last twelve months: the struggles, the lessons, and the achievements. So, this year I'm taking a fiscal year approach to 2020, and my fiscal year isn't going to start until February 1st! I'm going to use the 31 days in January to hash out my feelings about 2019 and set my goals for 2020.

A January Reset

I've drafted a rough plan for January's "reset." I want to start by journaling, something I've let slide in the last few months, about the lessons I've learned, the events which made me stronger, and the accomplishments I've achieved. I also want to examine my habits and routines and evaluate what worked and what didn't work.

Once I have my thoughts on paper, I plan to update my Life Pyramid document. I first read about creating a Life Pyramid on The Simple Dollar blog. I built mine three or four years ago, so it will be interesting to go back and read through my Purpose/Principles, my Vision for the next twenty years, and the Projects and Goals I set for myself to reach that vision. Once I've updated my Life Pyramid, I'll know what areas to focus on in 2020 and can create a Vision Board for 2020. I'm not trying to rush this process, but I'm hoping to have these activities completed by mid-January.

Finally, I'll focus my attention to solidifying my 2020 goals and writing out my action steps. I haven't decided if I'll break down my goals into quarterly chunks or get more granular and create monthly milestones. And I'll have to spend some time thinking about what will work for me when it comes to reviewing my progress. I've been great about setting goals in the past, but not so great when it came to keeping a date with myself to review my goal progress and course correct. No one likes to hear where they're falling short, even if you are only talking to yourself.

I hope to document my progress on Instagram throughout January, but I haven't been the best at posting on IG, so.... we'll see. Who knows, if this experiment works for me in 2020, I might make this January "reset" an ongoing practice.

Have you already set your 2020 goals? What is your process for setting new year goals?

What Are You Thankful For?

I know I usually publish posts on Wednesdays, but the last few weeks have been busy, and last night, I just wanted to chill. In honor of Thanksgiving, I wanted to post about a wonderful day date I had with my spouse a few weeks ago. He is the person I am the most grateful for, not only today but every day.

Dating my Spouse

About six weeks ago, my husband and I took a day trip to Frank Lloyd Wright's iconic Falling Waters and the surrounding area of Ohiopyle. Visiting Falling Waters has been on our "date list" for a while. And to my surprise, my husband took it upon himself to plan the day and purchase the tickets. Not only was the house/tour worth the sixty-minute drive, but it was a perfect Autumn day. Cool and crisp but also sunny. The drive was beautiful! Watching the leaves changing colors is one of my favorite times of the year and one of the best parts about living in Pittsburgh.

After the tour and a walk around the property, we headed to a local pizza shop for lunch. There was a festival happening, so we walked around the downtown area and took in the sights. After lunch, Doug wanted to take me to see the waterfalls. We stopped at Cumberland Falls and climbed around on the rocks like we were little kids. While I was gung ho to make my way down the hill to sit by the river, I was also praying I wouldn't slip or miss a rock and end up soaking wet or injured. We made it out to the river with no issues, took in the beautiful scenery for a few minutes, and then headed back up the hill to our next stop.

Our next and last stop was the natural water slides at Meadow Run. It was way too cold to take a run down the slides, but it was fun listening to my husband tell me some stories of him and his buddies coming here when they were in college. I played around with the slow-motion and time-lapse features of my iPhone camera. Then it was back in the car to head home.

We decided to take the back roads home so we could enjoy more of the rolling hills and changing leaves. It was a fantastic day with my husband. And it got me thinking about the importance of taking time to plan special dates with your partner. It's easy to be all blissed out and lovely the first few years you are together. But when you've been together six years, it's easy to fall into routines and fail to plan special moments and experiences together.

Doug and I made a list a while back of all the things in Pittsburgh we would like to see or experience. While we can cross this one off the list, there are still so many dates to be planned. Now we have to take the initiative and actually plan to do them. I like the idea of a weekly or even monthly date night, but we never seem to make it happen. I'm so grateful Doug made an effort and planned a wonderful day for us. It looks like I'm up next!

What are some ways you and your partner "date" each other?

Ten Most Used Kitchen Tools

We are two weeks away from Thanksgiving! So in honor of the day that is all about cooking and eating, I’m sharing my ten most used kitchen tools. I’ve always enjoyed cooking, but in the last few years, I’ve pushed myself to prepare 80% of our meals at home. Not only to save money, but more importantly, to eat a clean, unprocessed, healthy diet. When you spend as much time in your kitchen prepping meals as I do, you want tools that will make the job easier. These are the tools I reach for daily, not just because they get the job done, but also because they make cooking and prepping food more efficient (and if you know me, you know being efficient is my jam!) and enjoyable.

#1: SANTOKU KNIFE 

I’ve had this knife for around ten years now. It’s the perfect size for a woman’s hand. The balance of the sword is excellent, and the blade is the ideal length. It’s the knife I reach for regardless of what I need to cut, slice, or dice. I sharpen it every couple of uses and hand wash it instead of putting in in the dishwasher. 

#2: GARLIC PRESS

This garlic press is fantastic! I use it on the daily. Yes, my home smells of garlic when you walk in the door. Thank goodness for Bath and Body three-wick candles, am I right? If you are cooking a lot of clean meals, garlic will be in at least half of your recipes. If you want a fast way to mince garlic, this bad boy does the trick.

#3: SILICONE SPATULAS

I use silicone spatulas for everything, mixing a bowl of seasoned veggies with oil, tossing a salad, stirring soups & stews, browning ground meat, scrambling eggs, scraping the sides of the food processor or Dutch oven,etc.. These utensils are so versatile. And the best part is they don’t distribute heat or melt so I can leave them hanging off a hot pan and not worry about burning my hand the next time I pick it up. And they are relatively inexpensive. I have five of these fantastic utensils and will most likely buy more the next time Target has some new cute designs or colors. I like my spatulas functional and pretty!

#4: BENCH SCRAPER 

It feels like I chop vegetables every day for one recipe or another and this amazing gadget helps move heaps of onions, peppers, carrots, zucchini from my cutting board into my cooking pans. I believe Rachel Ray used to rave about these food movers on her talk show back in the day. Now I know why. It’s an efficient little tool that makes cooking a little faster and less messy.

#5: SILICONE POT HOLDERS

These silicone pot holders are a lifesaver. My large stock posts have metal handles that get VERY hot when you’re cooking. Draining pasta or potatoes used to be a painful and uncoordinated experience before I got these little gems as a bridal shower gift last year. No more grabbing for dish towels or pot holders that make getting a good grip impossible. These silicone mitts cover just the tips of your fingers and allow for enough grip on the handles to pour boiling water into a strainer like a pro. They are also great for removing lids from hot pans. 

#6: CITRUS SQUEEZER

I love cooking Mexican food so having a citrus squeezer is a must! I use mine to add lime juice to recipes, guacamole, margaritas, etc. It is a time saver and less messy than hand squeezing. This particular citrus squeezer is for lemons but also works great for limes. 

#7: ONION HOLDER

This tool is technically an onion holder, but I’ve never actually used it to hold onions. I use this tool to hold chicken breast in place to thinly slice it for salads. It would also work for hard-boiled eggs.

#8: JOKARI PLASTIC BAG HOLDERS

Baggie holders were another fantastic gift I received at my bridal shower. They are perfect for keeping Ziploc bags upright so you can fill them up with soups or stews or marinades. Before these came into my life, I either asked my husband for assistance or made a huge mess trying to do it on my own. They are adjustable for the size of your baggies, have a silicone base to keep them in place and fold down for flat storage. While I don’t use them very often, they have made freezer meal cooking day so much easier.

#9: INSTANT POT

I could not have a list of my favorite kitchen items without mentioning my Instant Pot. This very loved small appliance is part of my meal prepping, dinner making at least twice a week. It’s AMAZING! It cooks frozen chicken breasts in 30 minutes and hard-boiled eggs in 7 minutes.

But it’s not just great for frozen chicken and eggs. Soups, Stews, Meatloaf with carrots and potatoes, shredded chicken for salads or quesadillas, so many things.

#10: NINJA BLENDER

And the last item on my favorites list is my Ninja Blender. I rarely leave myself time to eat breakfast in the morning, so before I head out for the day, I blend up a protein fruit smoothie in my Ninja. It makes quick work of chopping the frozen fruit and blending everything. We love our Ninja so much we even take it on our beach vacations. It’s perfect for blending margaritas, frozen daiquiris, and Pina Coladas. It’s also dishwasher safe. Does it get any better?!

So what do you think? Any of my faves on your list too? Comment below with your most used kitchen tools. I would love to add more gadgets to my list!

October Goal Setting and Progress So Far

Recalibrating your yearly goals in October seems to be a trend recently. When my Instagram feed started blowing up with posts about "the last 90 days" of 2019, I had to pause, where the hell did the last nine months go? I am sure all of you have had similar discussions or revelations about the year flying by.

I wanted to jump on the goal-setting/goal recalibrating bandwagon. But I had already missed out on most of October. Was it too late for me to set some new goals for the last 60 days? I decided it was worth the effort to start a few weeks late.

I reviewed the list of goals I wrote back in January. As I considered that list, I realized half of the items didn't apply now, and the other half didn't excite me anymore. So I started this process by making a list of all the accomplishments I've achieved thus far. I wanted to see where I should put more effort. Also, I was hoping looking back at my recent accomplishments would give me a boost of motivation.

My "Wins"

• I volunteer each month at my pap 's nursing home.

Volunteering has been a huge accomplishment for me. Older people make me uncomfortable, and that fear was stopping me from visiting my pap. With my grandma passing earlier this year in February, it has been even more important to spend as much time with my pap as possible.

• I completed two Whole30s.

While I would love to complete three this year, I don't see that happening. And 60 days of eating clean, unprocessed foods is way better than NOT eating clean for 60 days.

• I have read 16 books so far.

• We updated the flooring in our living room, hallway, and bedrooms from carpet to engineered hardwood.

• We reached our emergency savings goal.

• I worked with a life coach.

Working with a life coach was both a financial investment and an act of courage, but this accomplishment led me to the biggest win of my year so far.

• I launched my blog.

An not only did I start a blog, but I fought back many fears of imperfection, judgment, and "not being good enough." I took the time to plan out the steps it would take to launch this blog the right way. I even pushed back my initial launch date by a few weeks. And I have continued to publish weekly posts.

That's quite a list! I was surprised at how much I accomplished so far.

Time for Some Year End Goals

Now that I had my wins laid out in front of me, I took some time to think about how I wanted to end the year. And the overall theme was to be healthier. For me, that meant getting back to my healthy habits, giving myself time in the morning, working out consistently, and eating a mostly whole foods diet. I also decided to give my brain a break and stick to reading only fun, fictional books. I was going to stop there, but I knew I needed to keep the momentum going with the blog, so I added a goal for the blog as well.

When all was said and done, I had five goals to focus on for the last two-ish months of the year.

• Wake up at 6 am every weekday.

• Work out 4-5 times every week.

• Plan out the next seven days of meals every Tuesday.

• Read only fictional books until 2020.

• Continue to publish one blog post every Wednesday.
  

Progress so far...

I decided on these goals a few weeks ago, so I am currently in week three.

• Wake up at 6 am every weekday.

I woke up twice at 6am the first week and twice the second week. This week it's bed = 3 and Kim = 0. In my defense, we are currently renovating the only bathroom in our house and took off work Monday and Tuesday to work on the bathroom. Since our bathroom is not yet complete, we are staying at the in-laws' house in the interim, so my routine has gone out the window with this goal. I'll try again once we are fully back in our home.

• Work out 4-5 times every week.

I completed four workouts the first week, along with 30 minutes of walking on my lunch break all five days. The second week I finished three workouts along with four days of walking on my lunch break. This week so far, I have worked out twice with a lunchtime walk today. I don't foresee any additional workouts happening until Saturday. But walking up and down my steps at home gathering tools for my husband counts as exercise, right?

• Plan out the next seven days of meals every Tuesday.

Yeah, this hasn't happened at all. I don't have any excuses either. I just didn't do it (shrug).

• Read only fictional books until 2020.

I was kicking ass on this goal. I read two fiction books since I set this goal. Unfortunately, I'm waiting on the library for the next fiction book on my list. So until it's ready for me, I picked up a non-fiction book I had in my "To Be Read" pile. Readers gonna read.

• Continue to publish a blog post every Wednesday.

Well, here you are reading my most recent blog post published on a Wednesday. I'm at least at 100% for this goal!

While thinking about all my accomplishments, my end of year goals and my progress thus far, I'm deciding to add a sixth goal to my list. And that goal is to be easier on myself when I don't hit my targets. Shit happens, bathroom renovations take longer (way longer) than anticipated. But as long as I am reaching for my goals most days, I'm considering that a win.

In a few weeks, I'll post an update, and maybe I'll be back on track. Or...maybe I won't.

Have you set end of year goals for yourself? Is one of those goals to be kinder to yourself for not hitting your targets? If not, it should be.

Let me know in the comments.

Not-So-Random Acts of Encouragement

Yesterday I happily mailed out the third installment of a ten-card kindness program in which I am participating. My cousin-in-law is a school teacher in Ohio, and she, along with her co-worker, created the "Spreading Kindness One Letter at a Time" project. This initiative pairs an adult with a student from their fourth-grade class. The participant writes a positive and encouraging letter or card to their student each month for the entire school year.

Volunteering for this program has me thinking quite a bit about how small acts of kindness can impact someone's life. When I published my pregnancy journey post a few weeks ago, I felt so appreciative and thankful for all the positive and inspirational comments and messages I received. So many friends, family members, and total strangers shared their personal stories with me and offered their encouraging words and hopeful prayers. It was heart-warming and humbling to receive so much encouragement in an area where I am struggling.

But in thinking about this Kindness Project, both the receiver and the giver are impacted. I always feel happier and inspired after writing out a card for this project. I am making a difference in a child's life, and that feels good.

Selfish or Selfless?

It may be a little selfish, but those feel-good feelings have inspired me to think of more ways I can interject some acts of encouragement into my life and continue to spread the good vibes. My first idea was to make a list of family, friends, and acquaintances and then commit to sending one card per month. I could work my way through the list until everyone was crossed off.

But after sitting with that idea for a little while, I decided I wanted this practice to be organic and thoughtful, requiring me to be more mindful and attentive in my relationships. I'm not thoughtless, but I tend to move quickly through my interactions. Much like how we scroll through social media feeds, I don't take much time to pause and reflect about the person with whom I just had a connection.

Just One Minute of Your Time

All it takes is one minute to think, "Hey, he seems to be struggling with x,y,z." or "Wow! I don't know how she does it all? What a superwoman!" or "I haven't heard from her in a while. She must be really busy?" While each scenario is different, a struggling friend, someone inspiring, or a co-worker who's really busy. I bet each person would be thankful and feel loved to get a card with a few encouraging sentences. A little, "Hi. I see what you're doing in the world, and I think you are amazing." How great would that feel to be the person making them feel amazing, even if only for that day?!

So instead of a random card each month, I want to be more intentional and not-so-random with my encouraging words. I want to not only make that person's day, but also live in the moment and be more thoughtful in my relationships. And the good vibes it puts out into the universe couldn't hurt either.

Are You Ready to Put Good Vibes Out in the Universe?

I wanted to share this project to hopefully inspire you to start a not-so-random acts of encouragement practice of your own. And at the very least, maybe get you thinking about all the times you've been on the receiving end of kindness and bring a smile to your face. :)

If you need somewhere to start here are a couple of options. A co-worker of mine shared them with me today. What perfect timing!

• Cards for Hospitalized Kids - This organization accepts handmade cards and distributes them to hospitals and Ronald McDonald Houses across the nation.

• Operation We Are Here - This website has great resources for groups that coordinate distribution of cards and care packages for deployed military. This site also has suggestions of quotes and topics for the cards. A co-worker shared them with me today.

Why not start a new family tradition this Thanksgiving and get the entire family to make cards for a hospitalized child or a deployed service member and get them in mail just in time for the holidays.

And if you are a school teacher, take note of the "Speaking Kindness One Letter at a Time" project and consider implementing something similar at your school. Image all the lives that could be affected just by sending one positive letter a month!

Remember: Kindness is like glitter. Sprinkle that shit everywhere!

What have you implemented in your life to spread good vibes and kindness? Let’s share ALL the ideas!!!

Trying to Get Pregnant Sucks

Hi friends! I wanted to give today’s post a little introduction/explanation. I wrote this post a few weeks ago after another month of trying to conceive with no success. My body was confusing the hell out of me and I was convinced I was pregnant. The day my period was supposed to arrive came and went and I got just a tiny bit excited. The next morning I planned to take a pregnancy test, but instead was greeted by Aunt Flo and I was devastated. My emotions were all over the place and out came this post.

And while I don’t always feel this way, I do sometimes have difficult days and this particular day was one of my hardest days in the last few months. Writing out my feelings in this post was extremely freeing and therapeutic. But I wasn’t sure if I should share this on the blog. It’s very personal and makes me feel vulnerable and uncomfortable knowing people will read these words. But I want this blog to be real. And the purpose of this blog is to push myself out of my comfort zone. What better way to do that then putting my thoughts and feelings on display. Thank you for taking the time to read this wordy introduction and the post below.

I'm going on a little rant today about trying to get pregnant. I've been feeling ALL the feelings about this topic recently, and need to let it out. So, (deep breath) here it goes.

Trying to get pregnant fucking sucks!

My husband and I have been trying to have a baby for the last 14 months. And I'm just sooo over it. My time is spent peeing on sticks, tracking my cycle, questioning every bodily function, and calendaring every time we have sex. My mind is, unconsciously, in a constant state of anxiety and stress, which, of course, are horrible conditions for getting pregnant.

And when the pee sticks are finally smiling (a.k.a ovulation time), my husband and I are everything but excited to get busy. Seriously. When it’s ovulation time sex feels like such a chore. Don’t get me wrong, I very much enjoy being intimate with my husband, but when it’s something you HAVE to do instead of something you WANT to do it’s just another thing to cross of the to-do list. Which is no fun. BUT...this is our only chance for the next 3-4 weeks to make that baby, so let's get it on.

The first few months, I tried to be nonchalant and even seductive about it being THAT time because I didn't want to put too much pressure on my husband to perform. But the months and months and months of trying for a baby wear on you. And I'm tired of pretending to be super turned on when really I'm just ovulating and want to get down to business so we can move along with our day. This all sounds so sexy, I know.

The Two Week Torture

Then for the next two weeks, I scrutinize every symptom and feeling like, "Hmm, is that a metal taste in my mouth?" or "Do my boobs feel tender?" or "Oh, I'm exhausted today. Hmmm…" And as I get closer to the dreaded period, I start to pick apart every abdominal cramp, every crazy dream, and every dropped utensil. Every time I go to the bathroom, I silently pray, "Please don't see blood. Please don't see blood."

When I don't see blood, usually because it's a day or two too soon, I'm relieved and still hopeful. But when I do eventually see the beginning traces of my period, I'm resentful of my body, disappointed, depressed, and angry. I can’t wrap my brain around it. How could we not be pregnant? We had perfectly timed intercourse, I kept my hips elevated for exactly 15 minutes post sexy time, and I feel like someone inflated my chest with saline while I was sleeping. So, not only am I angry, but I feel betrayed by my body and also foolish for really believing this was it, for the 10th time. I basically shouldn't be around people for the next 24-48 hours. I'm like a child throwing a temper tantrum because they are hungry or tired, and have no clue how to rationalize their feelings.

Babies EVERYWHERE!!

And of course, all I see anywhere I go are babies or pregnant ladies. On my favorite TV show, commercials in between TV shows, ads on the radio, in ALL the stores, the restaurants, driving around my neighborhood… babies are EVERYWHERE except in my uterus. And I don't want to be sad or resentful of these cute babies or the pregnant mommas, but sometimes I am. And that sucks.

So, I allow myself to be miserable for a few days because, according to all the self-help books, you should allow yourself to feel all your feelings. But eventually, I get tired of being miserable. So I give myself my best, "Put your big girl panties on" or "Have faith in your path" or "Be patient, God has perfect timing" speeches until I can pull it together and feel semi-normal just in time to start peeing on sticks all over again. Yeah me!

I know everyone says being pregnant and having children is exhausting, but trying to get pregnant to have those children is also exhausting! Mentally, Physically, Emotionally, Spiritually, Socially. I don't know how many kids’ birthdays or friends’ parties I've turned down because I didn't want to pretend to be interested in a conversation with the guys while all the women are tending to their children. I want to be one of those women! But I’m not yet so, No I don’t want to come to your kid’s 5th birthday party. Maybe next year. This shit definitely takes a toll on your social and emotional well-being.

Emotional Roller Coasters

And can we talk about hormones for a minute? Until I went off the birth control pill, I thought I was a girl who had her shit together emotionally. I had trouble controlling my facial expressions (and still do), but for the most part, I could keep my feelings quietly tucked away on the inside where no one had to see them but me and the very few people I’ve let see me vulnerable.

But now, holy shit, sometimes I think I'm legit insane. I'll be watching a home renovation show, and tears will start streaming down my face. My husband will turn, looking equal parts concerned and scared, and ask if I'm alright. To which I reply, laughing at this point because while also concerned I’m more confused, "I have no clue why I'm crying, but I can't stop."

If I have no idea why I'm crying, how am I supposed to know if what I'm feeling is a legitimate emotion or just my over-active hormones fucking with my sanity? And I am really angry because you brought home the wrong milk or did my estrogen just take a dip? Am I really anxious to drive on the highway, nope that’s the progesterone. I have all these feelings and stress and crazy thoughts just taking up space in my mind day in and day out on a loop every 28-30 days. And all my husband has to do is get it up!

Let me be clear, my husband is wonderful. He is loving, attentive, affectionate, but he has no clue. And he may not admit it, but he doesn't want to know either. He's perfectly happy with as little involvement as necessary. And I get it! I would want to be blissfully unaware, too, if it wasn't happening to me.

So, there you have it, my thoughts on TCC ("trying to conceive"). It's confusing and scary and all kinds of exhausting. It's lonely and heartbreaking and just sad. In a nutshell, it's the fucking worst! ...But also, hopefully, the best lesson on patience I'll ever learn.

If you are in this season of your life like I am, or you struggled to conceive, or maybe you had zero issues, but can understand the struggle, I'd love to hear from you in the comments below.

What are your thoughts on trying to get pregnant?

Recipes To Get You Through Whole30

It’s been eighteen months since my first Whole30. Since then, I’ve racked up quite a few recipes to add to my everyday rotation. Below are some of all-time faves and husband-approved.

If you are looking for something new to try for dinner, give one of these a try. Not only are the recipes delish, but they are also healthy. Can’t beat that!

Do you have ride-or-die healthy dinner recipes? I’d love for you to share. I’m always looking for a new meal to try!

Whole30 Sloppy Joe Bowls - Recipe by Physical Kitchnss

Healthy Crockpot Potato Soup with Chicken - Recipe by A Spicy Perspective

Zesty Grilled Chicken - Recipe by He and She Eat Clean

Slow Cooker Shepherd’s Pie - Recipe by Fit Slow Cooker Queen

No Bean Whole30 Keto Chili - Recipe by Food Faith Fitness

Whole30 Chicken and Broccoli Stir-Fry - Recipe by I Heart Umami

Cheeseless Chicken Parm - Recipe by Little Bits of

Five Tips for a Successful Whole30

I just finished Whole30, and I’m feeling fantastic! My energy level is off the charts, and my attitude is super optimistic. But while I’m feeling great now, it wasn’t all smooth sailing. I’ve completed Whole30 three times now and let me tell you, the first few times were not so successful. And now that I have a few rounds under my belt I want to share my best tips for a successful Whole30 so you can feel amazing right along with me.

TIP # 1: PLAN, PLAN, PLAN

Review your calendar! Choose 30 days free of birthdays, holidays, and special occasions. You do not need to start on Day 1 of a month or the first day of a week. Start whenever it fits best in your calendar. That could be the 27th day of a month or a Thursday. 

Even with the best planning, a last-minute dinner date, work function, or get-together might land in the middle of your Whole30. The key is to decide ahead of time what you will eat. 

• Do you have a dinner date with friends or co-workers? Most restaurants will accommodate a request to grill fish or chicken and a side of veggies with only olive oil, salt, and pepper. It may not be the tastiest meal you’ve ever had, but you’ll be sticking to your plan and won’t miss a night out with friends. And if the restaurant is not able to accommodate your dietary restrictions don’t dwell on it. Make the healthiest choice available (no pasta dishes and baskets of bread) and move along.

• Are you attending a party or get-together? Ask the host if you can bring a side dish or appetizer then prepare a veggie tray, fruit salad, garden salad or my fave, this Whole30 compliant potato salad. If your host refuses to let you bring a dish, pack some Whole30 compliant snacks in your purse or car. Mixed raw nuts, sliced veggies or bite-sized fruit (think strawberries, blueberries, grapes, or pre-sliced clementines) are great options.

TIP #2: TEST DRIVE RECIPES AHEAD OF TIME

Make Pinterest your BFF! Find recipes that look appetizing and match your culinary skill level then give them a trial run. When you’re in the thick of it, you’ll want food that is yummy and filling while also adhering to Whole30. If you make a brand new recipe amid this major exercise in self-control, and the meal doesn’t do it for you, you will be more willing to throw in the towel and get takeout instead. 

Don’t stress yourself out unnecessarily. Find at least five Whole30 compliant dinners to have at your disposal. At the very least you can make those meals one day a week for the next four weeks. That’s 20 days of dinners!!! And the recipe does not have to be 100% Whole30 compliant right off the bat. If it sounds yummy, look for ways you can substitute or leave out ingredients to make it Whole30 compliant. 

When testing out recipes, pull a few soup and chili meals. These will become lifesavers! Find at least two soup or chili recipes, make double batches then freeze into gallon-sized bags and tuck those bad boys away for when you’ve had a long day and are unmotivated to cook or if forgot to prep something and everyone is hungry. These days will happen, most likely in weeks 2 and 3 when you’re questioning your commitment to the long haul. And when they do, you will be grateful you planned for it. Just pull out a freezer meal, kick back and relax. 

It will take some trial and error, but don’t get discouraged. I had some significant wins and some major yucks! But in the last fifteen months, I’ve accumulated 30 husband-approved Whole30 compliant dinner recipes. You can find some faves here.

TIP # 3: IMMERSE YOURSELF IN HEALTHY EATING

What helped me stick with it was reading a health-focused book while completing a Whole30. Whether it’s a book, audiobook, magazine articles, or Pinterest articles, make sure the content focuses on healthy eating or what happens to your body when you eat poorly.

Consuming this type of content will keep your head in the game, which is crucial when your cravings or withdrawal symptoms are begging you to give up. I also recommend keeping a journal to write out your physical symptoms, as well as your thoughts and feelings throughout the 30 days. It was empowering to go back through and notice your symptoms recede, and your thoughts get more relaxed and almost joyful. And, if you decide to complete another Whole30 in the future, you can refer back to your journal and prepare yourself for what’s to come. 

During my first Whole30, I read the Whole30 Daily Guide. The journal has space to write your thoughts, record your energy levels, cravings, and includes a daily completion checkbox for visual motivation. I especially love the day-by-day information about what your body might be feeling. Knowing what might be in store in the days ahead prepared me mentally to handle the cravings, the hangover feelings, and the exhaustion. Other books I read during my Whole30s are Eating on the Wild Side, How to Be Well, and Anticancer.

TIP #4: SPRING CLEAN THE HOUSE

Yes, it would be nice to get your hours all clean and shiny to start your 30 days of food freedom. But what I mean here is remove all the junky, processed, tempting foods. Throw it out if you can. If you can’t clear out the house at least get everything out of your line of sight. Move all the wonderfully tasty, but oh-so bad for you, foods to shelves that are either too high or too low for you to see easily. 

Another option is to hide the junk. Quite literally, put it at the back of a closet you rarely go in to or put it in your husband’s office, give it to your kids to put in their bedrooms. Whatever it takes to get it out of your sight. I once hid a bag full of Easter candy in the back of a cabinet in my craft room in preparation for a Whole30. I did not find that bag until months later when I was moving furniture around in that room. By that point, it was stale, and the temptation to hold on to it was gone, so I pitched it. 

TIP #5: TELL ERRRBODY

Tell your family, co-workers, friends; anyone, you will interact with during your Whole30. You’ll not only be telling people upfront, “I’m doing this tough thing, please don’t make it harder by tempting me with happy hours, cake in the breakroom, or office donuts.” But you’ll also have a support system to reach out to when it gets hard. Or at the very least, the people in your life should be warned not to push your buttons during this time. Because irritability and tolerance for bullshit during the first 14-21 days is REAL.  

Even with my tips, you may find completing a Whole30 to be a superhuman feat. I may have completed three Whole30 rounds, but I’ve attempted five. And I’ve been cleaning up my diet slowly for the last eight years. 

Regardless of your outcome, I applaud your efforts. Whole30 is no joke. If you fall off after a week or two, don’t beat yourself up about it. One or two weeks of eating clean, unprocessed, no sugar added foods is WAY better than if you hadn’t tried at all. Take baby steps and keep moving forward. Start with a Whole5 or a Whole7 and see how it goes. Then turn that Whole7 into a Whole14 and then maybe a Whole21 and finally a Whole30. 

Regardless of how you approach Whole30, do yourself a favor and eventually get to a full Whole30. The results you see and feel in that last week are sooo worth the frustration of the first three weeks. And getting to that place will give you the motivation and validation to continue on your healthy eating journey. 

Have you tried Whole30? What was your outcome? Do you have any tips to share? I’d love to hear about your experience.