Doing Something a Little Different

Now that I have a child, my time to create content is limited. I have a handful of half-written blog posts, a full-page list of post ideas, and two filmed videos yet to be edited (from 3 months ago). I want to produce intentional, valuable content for you all, but that is not going to happen in the pre-planned, structured process I've done before. At least not any time soon. So I've decided to be a bit more off-the-cuff with my blog and write journal style for a while. Enjoy!

The week started great. My friend, Marcelia, came to hang out at my house on Sunday. It was fun to sit on the floor and play with Logan while catching up and having drinks. Logan is such an easy little boy. He is content to play, entertain you with his gibberish and laughter and watch tv (no, I don't love his tv time, but the tv is always on in our house, so no getting around it).

We didn't do anything special for Labor Day this year. I enjoyed time with Logan while Doug helped his sister and brother-in-law with some projects at their new house... right next door! We are super excited to have them as our neighbors and can't wait to be able to send Logan over to Aunt Mandie's when we need a break.

While it is always nice to start the week with an extra day off, it made for a hectic four days of work. My boss decided to retire finally, and now I am adjusting to a new leader. My new boss is very different from my former one. I want to impress, but I also need to learn their communication style, personality, and priorities. Right now, I’m having to check myself before I wreck myself, as the saying goes. These next few weeks are going to be long, tiring, and filled with anxiety. Note to self: pick up more cider beer.

On top of being a short work week, I also had my yearly physical and blood work. My cholesterol had been on the higher side since Logan was born. I had blood work completed back in March and was cautioned by my doctor if my cholesterol was still high, he would recommend medication. Thankfully, my cholesterol was more acceptable, and my HDL (the good cholesterol) was excellent!

BUT, my fasting glucose came back elevated, in the prediabetes range. Because I had gestational diabetes while I was pregnant and diabetes runs in my family, my doctor wanted me to get a hemoglobin study (just more blood work) to check my A1C. This test measured my average sugar levels over the last three months.

I was pretty sure my test would come back in the prediabetes range, but, woot!, woot! my A1C was perfect, with no signs of prediabetes or diabetes. So, for now, we will repeat blood work in six months.

The week ended with Mr. Logan deciding he didn't want to sleep through the night, something he does every few days or so. We are never quite sure what causes his night wakings: teething, room temperature (his room is above our garage and runs either too warm or too cold and rarely just right, we have a space heater and a ceiling fan to assist with getting it close to comfortable), digestive issues, hunger, nightmares. It's always a guessing game. Most nights, I guess correctly.

But Friday night, he did NOT want to go to bed, and it took Doug and I a few times switching off before he finally fell asleep and stayed asleep. Saturday night, he went down around 7:45 pm and then was awake again around 9 pm. After a few tries to get him back to sleep, to no avail, I decided to let him play on the floor in his room. We sang songs, practiced pull-to-stand, read a few books, and by 11 pm, I was exhausted to wanted to sleep. We tried putting him in our bed, something we have done a handful of times out of desperation, but after thirty minutes of him laying there fussing and crying and kicking us, Doug and I were at our limit.

I finally gave in and pulled out a bag of frozen breastmilk and a bottle. We had nixed the bedtime bottle the week before, and Logan hadn't received any bottles in over a week. I was hesitant to give him a bottle again because I didn't want him to regress. But, of course, that did the trick. Whether he was hungry because it had been five hours since dinner and usually he was asleep at that time, or the sucking sensation provided comfort for him to relax to sleep, who knows?! But I hope it was a one-off thing.

Fingers crossed this week will be less chaotic and easy. I am looking forward to making a batch of gluten-free, dairy-free apple cider donuts and purchasing a couple of oversized flannel shirts to get me in the mood for Fall.

I hope your week was not as rough as mine, but if it was, I'm sending good vibes your way for a productive, stress-free week. What are you looking forward to this week? Any fun autumn traditions you want to share?

Five Must Haves for an Unmedicated Labor

When I became pregnant with Logan, I knew I wanted to attempt unmedicated vaginal birth. It is more beneficial for the baby and mother to have minimal medical interventions, from what I read. But also, I wanted to prove to myself I could do it. While I haven't shared Logan's birth story yet, I'll give you a spoiler. Logan was delivered via an emergency cesarean section. BUT, that was after hours and hours of unmedicated labor. I made it to 9cm dilated. I was so close to the pushing stage and then like a good book… Plot Twist. And even though Logan’s birth didn’t end as I hoped, I got as far as I could on my own. I wouldn’t have made it as far as I did, however, without the five items listed below.

Before I count down my top five, I do have some honorable mentions. These items didn’t necessarily help get to me 9cm, but they did come in handy throughout labor and during recovery.

• A front zip sports bra. I can't remember where I heard about this one; a birth podcast or a labor and delivery youtube video, maybe, but having a zip-front sports bra made skin to skin much easier. A quick unzip and the baby can be placed on your chest. No worries about pulling a bra over your head or having someone unhook it from the back.

• A locking water bottle. I had mine in bed with me all night before active labor started and then during recovery when I was sore and it was hard to move. Not once did I worry about it leaking.

• A long phone charging cord. This item is on every mom's must-have list, and for a good reason. Hospital beds are made to be moved, so they are not snug up against a wall with an outlet super close. The one I purchased was 10 foot long and it was perfect.

• Items for your support partners: an extra pillow and blanket, comfy warm pants and a hoodie, and snacks. The nurses and doctors are there to care for you and your baby, not for your support person. Make sure they bring some essentials from home so they can get some rest, not freeze their bums off, and stay energized. If your lucky, your labor won't be too long, but it could also be days if you factor in recovery time.

Okay, now on to the good stuff. Here are the five items that got me through hours of unmedicated labor:

5. Crocs and Socks Anyone?

I know Crocs aren't for everyone, but they were one of the best items I brought to the hospital. I wore them not only during labor, but also during recovery in the hospital. I labored on my feet most of the time, and was even in the shower at one point. Crocs, while not very fashionable, are supportive, comfortable, and won't slip on wet surfaces like showers. I also wore them with warm thick socks when I traveled down to the NICU to see Logan. I wasn't worried about showcasing the latest foot fashions during our hospital stay. If you are, then Crocs may not be for you. But I'm keeping them on my must-haves list. Side note: I got tons of compliments from the nurses about my Crocs.

4. Stay Focused with Noise-canceling Earbuds

With noise-canceling earbuds, I was able to sleep better the night before active labor started. I had my white noise app on and could drown out the monitors' sounds and commotion from the hallway. Once I was in active labor, my earbuds were great for blocking everyone out and focusing on what my body needed to do.

3. Zone Out with playlists of music, meditations and calming sounds

I made labor playlists weeks in advance on Spotify. One playlist had upbeat, fun songs for the start of labor. You know, before contractions became fast and furious, and shit got real. Imagine college pre-gaming, getting ready with your girls type songs. The second playlist was calmer, more acoustic, and zen. Think coffee house or brunch cafe vibes. I also had a few meditations focused on pain management saved from my Calm app. Both my playlists and my meditations helped keep me in a great headspace to make it as far as I did.

2. have a mantra or affirmation and Put it on Repeat

I know it sounds very woo woo to say this is a must-have, but you don't know unless you know. And since I've been through unmedicated labor. I know! My mantra was "pain equals progress," and I repeated those three words in my head over and over and over and over and over again during my contractions.

1. Enlist a Professional by hiring a doula

By far, the MVP of my labor was my doula. Not only did she provide physical support during labor through counter-pressure and massages, but she also talked me through options for being admitted to the hospital vs. staying at home before active labor. She advocated for my birth preferences when my doctor suggested a cesarean section by asking if there was an alternative option and how much time we had before deciding. And during the c-section, she was in the operating room. She took photos of Logan while he was being cleaned up, weighed, and assessed. My doula captured his first minutes of life. She then waited around until we were all safely back in our recovery room.

Our doula checked in on us a few days post-delivery and had a final meeting with us a few weeks after we came home from the hospital. She brought over a small notebook where she wrote down the details of that day, Logan's birth story. I didn't have to piece together snippets of memories from the most special day of my life. I had them written down as fact for me to read whenever I wanted.

Doulas are an added expense, and their fees can range from a few hundred dollars to a couple of thousand dollars, depending on geographic location and their experience. But having my doula by my side during labor was worth every penny!

mamas, What were your mvps of labor?

Celebrating World Down Syndrome Day by Sharing Our Diagnosis Story

Well, this post is LOOONNNGGG overdue, considering my son is now nine months old! I had every intention of writing this post last Spring after I had time to process all my feelings, but then COVID happened. And then Logan was born. And then I went back to work. And then it was the holidays. You get the picture. So I'm here now, on World Down Syndrome Day, to share our diagnosis story and journey thus far.

My husband and I tried to conceive for over a year before getting pregnant with Logan. We had a previous miscarriage before our eight-week ultrasound, so when we made it to ten weeks and the point when they do prenatal genetics testing, we were beyond excited. We knew there was a chance of a genetic disorder due to my age but didn't consider it much. We just wanted to know the gender so we could start planning.

I received a call from my doctor's office the Friday before Christmas. It was a nurse from my OB's office with the results of our prenatal testing..."89% chance of having Trisomy 21" was all I heard. I sat and cried while the life I dreamt up of our family was being erased one image at a time in slow motion: vacations to the beach, birthday parties, first-year milestones of rolling, crawling, walking and first words, playing with cousins, the moody teenage years, first dances, graduations, weddings, grandkids. My heart broke as every image flashed in my mind. And now I had to go home and break the news to my husband.

I knew how my husband felt about having a child with special needs. I was crushed to be the one to cause him so much pain. While the details of that conversation are very much a blur, I remember lots of crying, sitting in silence, staring, and more crying. We told our families over text messages because we couldn't bear to say the words out loud. We ditched our gender reveal plans and backed out of our usual Christmas events. We just wanted/needed to grieve.

We thought if we proceeded with this pregnancy, our child would need care into his adult life. There would be a high chance he would have medical issues and need painful surgeries. His intelligence would never be more than that of a seven-year-old. He would have speech impairments if he could even speak at all. He wouldn't even look like us. And more than anything, we were devastated about how our child might be viewed by our friends, other parents, other children, and the world. These assumptions were all wrong, but at the time, those were our fears.

My husband and I were at odds on how to proceed. If I got my way, would he resent me? If he got his way would I resent him? Both options seemed like it would end in divorce. It felt like our world was crumbling. We were in a pretty dark place for a few weeks. There were tears every day. We pleaded with each other, tried to strike deals, tried using research and facts to change the other one’s mind. We were painfully honest and vulnerable with each other. And at times, it didn't seem like our marriage would survive. But somehow, we came out the other side, and after confirming the diagnosis through amniocentesis, we were ready to move forward with the pregnancy one day at a time.

My pregnancy was so different than I imagined it would be. It was harder to celebrate the milestones, the first kicks, a growing belly, decorating his nursery, while not knowing what the future would hold. During every ultrasound, I held my breath, praying for a good report. And then I had to see the faces of pity and caution when the ultrasound tech and doctor would remind me my child had Down syndrome like I didn't already know.

I not only had to research how to care for a newborn, how to care for myself after delivery, and what labor would be like, but I also had to research what to expect when caring for a child with Down syndrome. I had this weight on my shoulders to be the one with all the knowledge. I guess that was the mother in me coming out. I had to educate my husband and our family members to be prepared for his arrival. What might his limitations be? What health issues might he have? What were the best products and toys for his development? What bathtub, car seat, and high chair were best for a baby with low muscle tone?

I wanted to be super prepared and educated and know all the possible issues so I wouldn't be caught off guard like I was with his diagnosis. Doing the research helped me cope. It helped me feel strong enough to bear the weight of all the decisions, the fears, and the disappointments.

Now that Logan is here, I can say with 100% certainty that our world is better with him in it. I had no clue what unconditional love was until I held him in my arms. The moment I met my little Logan boy, all my fears, worries and disappointments disappeared.

We are only nine months into this crazy ride, but Logan is more like a typical baby than he is different. He eats, sleeps, poops, and plays. He gets fussy and cries when he's hungry. We've dealt with very common baby issues like reflux and constipation. And as for his appearance, he does have characteristics of a person with Down syndrome, but he also looks very much like us. He has my husband's big blue eyes and long eyelashes. He has my fair skin and expressive face. Some days he looks just like our nieces and nephews and siblings.

Logan may take a little longer to reach certain milestones, but he does eventually conquer them. And those moments are even sweeter when he does because it's clear how much harder he has to work to achieve those milestones.

I will share that it's not all rainbows and sunshine. Every week, we have physical therapy and occupational therapy sessions to give him the best shot at hitting his developmental milestones. We have doctors' appointments and medical tests to ensure he remains a healthy, thriving child. We are more cautious about changes to his usual pleasant demeanor because seeing potential medical issues at every turn is part of the journey now. And sometimes, it's all overwhelming. But one look at Logan, and the overwhelm doesn't matter.

I have no idea what his strengths or opportunities will be as he gets older, but I know that I am all in. I will be his biggest cheerleader and help will achieve whatever goals he sets. I will advocate for him in any way I can because his life matters, and he deserves to be treated with kindness, love, and respect regardless of his genetic composition.

I truly believe Logan was brought into our lives to teach us how to be kinder, more patient, and more accepting. Down syndrome was not represented in our family, but now our nieces, nephews, and friends' children will all get to grow up knowing a person with Down syndrome and be better people for it. Logan has changed our world in so many ways and he doesn't even know it.

If I could go back to my past self and tell her one thing, I would say: "Stop robbing your present joy by worrying about your future life. It will all be okay. The love you will have for your child will outweigh all your fears. He will change your life in so many amazing ways. You will be filled with joy and pride every single day just by looking at him".

A Canceled Baby Shower and Isolation During Pregnancy

Today was supposed to be my baby shower. But due to Covid19, we had to cancel as so many other expectant mamas have had to do. And I could be sad about today. About missing out on such a special milestone in my first and possibly only pregnancy. But instead, I am choosing to be grateful, happy, and optimistic.

I'm grateful myself, my baby, my husband, and our family and friends are all healthy and at least physically unaffected by this virus. My fingers and toes are crossed, that remains the case. I'm grateful to be blessed with so many wonderful friends and family who have sent or dropped off gifts even though the shower was canceled weeks ago.

I'm happy it's a beautiful day here today, sunny and warm, which is my favorite kind of weather. And I'm so glad I have the whole day free to soak in all this sun while reading a book and writing this post.

And I'm optimistic this time we are living through, literally history in the making shall pass eventually. My experiences during this pregnancy have been far from what I initially expected. However, in many ways, it's been just what I expected and also even better than I expected.

Why Be Sad When You Could Be Glad

No, I won't have beautiful memories and pictures of getting together with friends and family to celebrate our little boy before his arrival. But I was planning on having pizza, hoagies, and an ice cream bar at the shower. With a recent diagnosis of gestational diabetes, I wouldn't have been able to partake in all that yummy food. So instead, we're hoping to have a "Meet the Baby" get together after his arrival. And hopefully, then I'll be able to eat all the pizza and ice cream I want.

And no, my husband currently can't accompany me to any of the prenatal appointments I've had over the last few weeks. But with his work schedule, I don't think he would have been able to attend those appointments anyway. We've found other ways to keep him connected to this pregnancy and our little one. I immediately send ultrasound photos or videos. I fill him in on what he missed: if the baby was cooperative or uncooperative, an update on his development, growth and the progression of the pregnancy, and my thoughts and feelings regarding the appointment. He also reads books at bedtime, touches my belly when little man is going crazy, and has helped set up the nursery. He's about as connected and involved with this pregnancy and our son as I'd expect him to be regardless of the current situation.

And no, I may not be able to have my doula in the room with us while I give birth (that one is still a possibility, so I'm going to hold out hope) or have visitors at the hospital afterward. BUT it's incredible what this pandemic has created in regards to virtual connection. My doula can be there via IPad or phone to offer suggestions for pain management and walk my husband through the best ways to be supportive. She can also provide her opinion regarding how our pregnancy is progressing. It's been helpful to know ahead of time she may only be there virtually. I have done more research on what I can do to create a calm and positive atmosphere and how to be a self-advocate for the labor I'm hoping to endure.

I've had the time to practice breathing techniques and put together a few labor playlists to listen to during the various stages of labor. I've created a vision board with prompts to remind me to relax my body, breathe slowly and deeply, and to trust that my body knows what it's doing. I'm performing daily exercises and holding postures that are said to help progress labor. And I'm quizzing my husband on my birth plan as much as I can, so hopefully, some of it will stick with him. Long story short, I'm a person that likes to be prepared and having a heads up that I might have to do this solo (or at least without a doula), I'm taking the time to prepare mentally, physically, and emotionally.

And as far as visitors after his arrival, I have no clue how my childbirth experience will be. I can plan as much as I want, but until it's over and he's here, I'm not sure what physical or emotional state I'll be in after labor. Knowing people aren't waiting to swarm in to offer congratulations and to paw my brand new baby is kind of refreshing and peaceful. Sorry to any family reading this. I love you all and know you are super excited to meet him, but the idea of not having to "entertain" anyone for the first few days sounds appealing. I'm sure many people feel the opposite. But I know myself and while I may be begging for the help after his arrival, right now I like the idea of our little family riding the newborn wave solo for the first two or three days. After that, bring all the help!! LOL.

What to Expect When You're Expecting...

This period of my pregnancy is also going exactly as anticipated in many ways. My body is growing and changing every day. Some days I wake up feeling great, and other days I am uncomfortable from the minute I open my eyes. Some nights I sleep soundly and other nights I'm awake every hour having to pee or attempting to readjust my position to get comfortable.

Some days I feel almost light on my feet, and other days I know I'm waddling like Donald Duck. There have been moments that just for a second, I forget I'm pregnant until I catch myself in the mirror and see my bulging belly. Some days my mood and temperament are even and typical. Other days I feel certifiable. I can cry watching a sitcom or become enraged over a simple request to laminate an extra sheet of paper. I can have mood swings that give my husband whiplash.

And there are doctors' appointments, lots of them during this time. Even if some of them are via telemedicine, I still have to be at every single one. There was one week, not too long ago, when I had five appointments in three days! And I don't see the telemedicine visits as missing out on pregnancy milestones, I see them as peace of mind. I'm sure if there were concerns, my doctors wouldn't hesitate to bring me in more often. The fact I have telemedicine visits lets me know things are progressing as they should.

Can I Get an AMEN!!!

There are many things I could be bummed about, there are also many things I'm jazzed about. I have time to prepare for this baby. Not having obligations on the weekend gives me time to set up and organize the nursery. To wash all the clothing, bedding, blankets I've received. And to declutter the house to make room for baby items. I can pamper myself with a nice long bath, a pedicure (even though it's getting really hard to reach my toes), or a mid-day nap. I can read all the books I purchased to prepare for childbirth and postpartum and infant care. That in itself is pretty sweet.

I've also been working from home for the last eight weeks, which will hopefully continue until close to my due date. During this time, I don't have to wear pants!!!! Can I get a hallelujah from all the pregnant ladies?! I get to sleep in. I can take a nap on my lunch break if needed. I can switch out loads of laundry throughout the day, so I don't have to do it when I come home. I can prep dinner on a break, so it's ready to go once I clock out for the day.

Working from home in the last part of pregnancy has been glorious!! I wake up, get a workout in, maybe shower, maybe not and roll up to my desk in leggings and a t-shirt that I may or may not have slept in. And it doesn't matter because no one, except my husband, will see me. My skin feels great because I've been sans makeup for weeks, so no need to scrub and rub my face at night. My hair is still looking good because I'm not torturing it with a curling iron or flat iron on the daily. Hell, if I wash my hair twice a week, that's an accomplishment. I have free time to do the things that matter like workout and meditate or cook a healthy meal since I don't have to get "presentable" and commute to an office.

This will also make the transition from pregnancy to maternity leave a little easier. I get to go from working from home during a time of isolation to staying home during maternity leave with periods of isolation. I know for some mamas, it's tough to transition from social interactions every day to being at home full time mostly alone.

I get to spend all day with my cats, which I know they appreciate. I know my time to cuddle and baby them will be limited once little man is on the scene so I’m soaking it in now. My husband is working from home too, so we eat lunch together every day, during breaks we check-in to see how each others' days are going. When work is over for the day, we can put on our sneakers and go for a walk. We don't have to wait for the other to get home or stop and make dinner first. We look out the window, and if it's decent out, we go for a walk. This time I have to connect with the person and animals I love the most is so precious, and I don't take a single minute of it for granted.

Now, sure I miss my co-worker, seeing my nieces and family and having dinner dates with friends, but those things all still happen just different now. We can zoom, have driveway/porch check-ins, or have social distance coffee chats in the front yard. It's different, but it's doable.

I guess it helps that my husband and I are more homebodies and less social butterflies, but I'm loving the quarantine life most days. I'm trying to use this time wisely and set myself up for survival once the baby comes. Now, this doesn't mean there aren't things I'm bummed about.

FOMO for Real!

I was really looking forward to a pregnancy massage or two. I hear prenatal massages feel amazing!! I wanted to have a few chiropractic appointments to adjust my hip alignment and ease any backaches. I expected to be able to browse racks of infant clothes and purchase a few outfits, books, and toys that were just from me.

I wish I would have taken a prenatal yoga class before all this started. I've done a few online, but taking a class would have also allowed me to connect with other expectant mothers in my area. I planned to pamper myself every few weeks with gel manicures and spa pedicures while I sat in the chair and relished in the alone time. I purchased Groupon tickets to go to a float spa with my husband. Feeling weightless while pregnant must feel incredible. And I’m missing out on all the attention and adoration that comes from strangers and co-workers when you are pregnant.

But, if I let myself think about all the milestones I'm missing out on, I could really put myself into a funk. So instead, I'm looking for things to be grateful for during this isolating time: being outdoors, feeling the sun on my face, and the wiggles of a very active baby in my belly. And I'm choosing to be happy!

What are you missing out on while in quarantine? What are you loving about this time?

First and Second Trimester Pregnancy Essentials

Holy Moly! I'm less than one week away from my third trimester. How and when did that happen?! As I head into my third trimester, I put together a list of the products I loved and still love using from my first and second trimesters.

First Trimester

I was pretty lucky in my first trimester. My only symptoms were sore, sensitive, and growing breasts, pregnancy bloat, and exhaustion. I had waves of nausea if I overate, but never had "morning sickness" and never came close to vomiting.

Sore and All of the Sudden Ginormous

To help with my sore and growing boobs, I wasted no time getting some larger wireless bras. Ones I could wear to bed, to work and to work out in (which by the way, I didn't work out almost at all my first trimester. I was much too tired).

Am I Showing Already? - Nope That's Just Pregnancy Bloat

I didn't listen to my co-worker soon enough when she told me not to wait to buy some maternity pants. I tried the hair tie trick with some of my regular jeans, but was still uncomfortable most of the day. I finally gave in around week 7-8 and purchased some maternity jeans and leggings. I wish I wouldn't have waited so long. The leggings were terrific! I wore them every weekend and most nights to bed.

The leggings were from Motherhood Maternity. I got eight pairs on clearance since the stores near me were going out of business. My maternity jeans I got from Target. I tried the "Under the Bump" and "Over the Bump" and hands down prefer the "Over the Bump" options. The "Under the Bump" styles were low cut, and I prefer my ass to be covered when I sit down. Ain't no one want to see my thong peeking out the back of my pants. So "Over the Bump" it was! And even 20 weeks later, then fit me perfectly and have stretched to accommodate my growing baby.

Other clothing items I purchased early in my pregnancy were maternity t-shirts, tank tops, and over-sized sweaters. For the t-shirts and tanks, I mostly shopped the maternity sections. I got a few great options from the Isabel Maternity by Ingrid & Isabel line at Target. They don't have ruching on the sides and stretched with your growing bump. I sized up in a few vintage Universal Thread t-shirts and A New Day long-sleeved t-shirts. Both are from Target and both are still staples in my wardrobe now at 27 weeks. For sweaters, I decided I could get away with sizing up to a medium or large, especially since it was winter. We all like to be cozy in the winter.

You're Napping AGAIN?!

I heard the first trimester usually comes with exhaustion, but was not prepared for just how tired I would be. Even after eight-plus hours of uninterrupted sleep, I was ready to put my head down at work only two hours later. When I'd get home, I'd curl up on the couch and crash for thirty minutes. And I was ready to call it a night around 9:00 pm.

I remember my husband coming home from work, and seeing me napping said, "You're napping again?!" Yes, I am napping again. There is sorcery happening in my body, and I'm fucking tired! It also didn't' help that the whole first month of my pregnancy, we were renovating our bathroom. So on top of working, I also had to come home and be somewhat helpful to my husband while he cut and measured and installed various materials.

A few things that helped my napping game (which BTW, I am not a normal napper. At least I wasn't pre-pregnancy. I am now.) was a sleep mask and a white noise machine. Both things are part of my regular sleep routine but came in handy when it was still light outside, and my husband was watching tv in the living room. Oh, and coffee. And yes, I still drank 1-2 cups of coffee a day.

What's Happening in my Body and What Size Fruit or Vegetable is my Adorable baby Now?

My other go tos during my first trimester and items I’ve continued to use during my pregnancy are pregnancy related apps and a journal. I started keeping a journal/planner/to-list a few years ago. I found it helpful during this pregnancy to write down any symptoms I was having, concerns or questions for my doctor appointments, pregnancy milestones, and all the thoughts and feelings I was having about this pregnancy. When I review my journal entries at the end of the month, it is enjoyable to read about his first kicks, when my energy came back and when my belly measurement increased by two inches in only three weeks. I can’t wait to share these memories with him when he is older or to refer back to if we have more children.

I almost immediately downloaded The Bump and Babycenter apps. I love knowing what size/weight baby is each week, what to expect as my body changes or all the various decisions to think through about labor and postpartum. I don't always look at these apps daily, but I do go into them weekly.

Second Trimester

The week or so before I hit my second trimester, my boobs started hurting less, bloat turned into an actual baby bump, and my energy returned, which was much appreciated. I started working out again since I did very little during my first trimester. I got back into using my fitness app and taking walks around our neighborhood. However, with the fun of announcing our pregnancy, other symptoms started popping up. Along came the start of uncomfortable sleeping, acid reflux and the dreaded heartburn, and a belly that is very much in the way now when it comes to bending over.

You Want Me to Sleep How?

I'm usually a back sleeper, so reading all the articles and warnings about how it's safer to sleep on your side during the last half of your pregnancy, put a damper on my quality sleep. I could fall asleep on my side but always ended up on my back. Now that my uterus was growing and heavier, sleeping on my back meant my limbs were pins and needles after only an hour or two. And I worried about harming the baby by crushing my vena cava (apparently some really important vein) while sleeping on my back. Also, it just became less comfortable to sleep on my back.

I know most people swear by a full-body pregnancy pillow to help with side sleeping due to the addition of a new belly. So I tried one out but hated it. Pre-pregnancy, I already slept with quite a few pillows to support my neck and hip alignment. Trying to add the body-sized pillow into the mix just didn’t work. Luckily, I found a smaller pregnancy wedge to add in with all my other sleep assistance pillows. And it's been amazing! Not only do I use it when I sleep on my side, but I also use it under my side/back when I inevitably roll onto my back at some point in the night. That wedge keeps me propped up just enough, so my limbs don't fall asleep and gives me some peace of mind that I'm not suffocating my baby by crushing that vein. Irrational fears, I know. I loved this wedge so much that I ordered a second one. So now I have one on either side of me so I can switch sides easily and always have one close to my back. The cost of both pillows combined is only $30, which is much cheaper than a fancy U-shaped or C-shaped full body option.

It Burns, There's a Lump in My Throat, and Do I Have COVID-19?

Spoiler Alert! I do not have the Coronavirus. At least not yet, and hopefully not at all. But I do have acid reflux, and it's uncomfortable. I've had acid reflux before very mildly and very randomly. And usually, it was more of burping and a dry cough. But now my symptoms also include heartburn and the feeling of a lump in my throat, usually around bedtime. The culprits, I’ve deduced, are coffee, chocolate, spicy or saucy foods, onion, and garlic, all my favorite things to consume. How can you have pizza or Italian food without sauce, onion, and garlic?? It's a good thing I ate plenty of chocolate and drank tons of coffee during the first 20ish weeks of pregnancy because as soon as I hit week twenty-one, the fun was over.

Coffee wasn't as hard to limit as I thought it would be. It helped that my energy was back, and I was only drinking one cup about four days a week. I easily made the switch to green tea instead. And now that I have gestational diabetes (more on that in a future post) and working from home with limited access to candy, it wasn't hard to forgo the chocolate either. But especially now that I was self-quarantining and had gestational diabetes and am making all my meals from scratch, how the heck was I going to make yummy, healthier meals without garlic, onions, and tomatoes? The truth is, I can't. I try my best not to put as much of those things into recipes, but at the end of the day, the acid reflux and heartburn are much less now that coffee and chocolate are out of my diet, so taking some TUMS or ginger tea usually does the trick. Also, having an adjustable bed is a godsend for acid reflux. It quiets my dry cough, which is generally worse at night and lets gravity help with the acid and my digestion.

If you don't have an adjustable bed, I highly suggest you get one, especially if you have any sort of asthma or bronchial spasms or lower back pain or acid reflux. We purchased ours before all this pregnancy business since I also have bronchial spasms from about November - March when the weather is either turning or cold. My husband and I opted for a split mattress model so I can elevate while he sleeps flat. I can relieve some of my symptoms, and he isn't kept awake by my hacking cough.

It Can't Possibly Stretch Anymore, Please Tie My Shoes, and It's Sooo Heavy

Once I hit my second trimester, I started growing, and it hasn't stopped. The most noticeable growth happened between weeks 20 - 23. My belly circumference increased two inches in just three weeks. Starting around week twenty, it was like I could FEEEL the skin around my mid-section stretching. And there was much less room in my midsection. I would have to sit up straighter to make room for internal organs or lay on the couch instead of sitting while watching tv.

And my skin was getting tighter. One thing I started doing early on, maybe around weeks twelve or thirteen is lotioning up my mid-section. It feels so good to rub oil and lotion on your tight, itchy expanding belly. And so far, it's doing the trick. No signs of stretch marks yet (even though I’m sure they are coming). And even though I know stretch marks have more to do with genetics than a self-care routine, I'll choose to believe me rubbing oil on my bump two or three times a day is helping. And anyway, it feels so good.

I also noticed somewhere around weeks 20-23 that it was harder to bend over to put on my sneakers. The dress code in my small office is pretty casual, so usually, I wear running shoes to work. There was one morning I remember trying to put my shoes on and tie them, and it was so uncomfortable. I tried sitting down to do it, and that was almost worst. I asked my husband to tie my sneakers, and he laughed at me and said, "No." I think he thought I was dramatic at the time, but I was so annoyed he wouldn't do me a solid.

So I went scouring the place to find everything, a.k.a. Amazon, and came across a wonderful invention called Hickies. They are plastic things that go into the lace holes of your shoes. You can configure them to make shoes looser or tighter, but the best part is there is no tying of laces. Once you have them adjusted to your liking, you just slip your feet in and be on your way. I tried one pair to see if I liked them and then purchased a second pair for my indoor workout shoes. Take that, hubby! Don't need you no mo'.

Again around this magical time of weeks 20-23, I realized walking was becoming uncomfortable instead of relaxing. My belly would tighten if I walked too fast. I already felt like I was walking at the pace of a snail, and I wasn't sure I could walk much slower. I also started getting an achy feeling in my pelvis. During one of my walks, my belly started to tighten, but I was determined to keep walking. So I put my hands under my belly and lifted it for the remainder of my walk. . By the time I got back, my arms felt like they had a workout. I knew I had gained weight, but I didn't realize how much that belly contributed to the pounds.

Thankfully, during one of my many trips to Motherhood Maternity in the early stages of my pregnancy, I purchased a belly support band. I wasn't sure at the time I would ever use it or need it, but it was a reasonable price, so I figured better safe than sorry. And I'm happy I purchased it. It wasn't until a week or two ago that I remembered I had it. I was skeptical it would work, but to my surprise, it has helped when I go on walks. I no longer have contractions that last the entire walk, and my pelvis doesn't hurt. Since walking seems to be the only way I can get out for some fresh air these days that support belt has become a lifesaver.

Drinking ALL the Water and Preparing for Labor

A few other honorable mentions from my second trimester. The first is my ginormous water bottle. It's a 64-ounce beast that has measurements and time reminders to drink all the water. Staying hydrated has helped me stave off leg cramps, swelling, caffeine headaches from giving up coffee, and I'm pretty sure it has also helped my stretching skin. I purchased one for work and then quickly bought another to keep at home. I try to drink between 80-100 oz of water a day, and this water bottle keeps me hitting that target. I take one with me everywhere and have had multiple compliments and questions. I heard about it from a YouTuber I watch, Olivia Zapo. If you are pregnant or a new mama, go check out her channel. I've purchased quite a few things from watching her videos (pregnancy and non-pregnancy) and haven't been disappointed yet.

The second is the Birth Hour podcast. Now that I'm on the other side of this pregnancy, I've become obsessed with labor stories. I stumbled across this podcast and enjoy listening to an episode here and there. There are a ton of episodes, so I usually go through and pick one that has an interesting title or seems relevant to how I think I want to labor. Most episodes are an hour or less, and it's so interesting to hear how each birth is so different. I've come away with some useful resources, book recommendations, and some yes's and no ways for my own birth plan. Definitely worth checking out if you enjoy listening to podcasts and are pregnant or a mom.

My last second trimester essential is YouTube. When my energy came back around week thirteen, I knew I wanted to get back into working out. The fitness app I was using pre-pregnancy had a few prenatal workouts, but I quickly become bored of the same ten routines. So I searched YouTube, and there are so many free prenatal workout videos available, from yoga and stretching to strength training to barre and pilates. It's helped me stay motivated to workout and has plenty of options depending on what I'm feeling that day.

I also still use all the clothes, apps, and journal I used in my first trimester and will continue to use them, plus the items mentioned from my second trimester, into my third trimester.

For all my pregnant/new mamas or seasoned mamas, what essentials do you swear by for pregnancy?

Make Automatic Cleaning Part of Your Life

I mentioned last week that staying on routines would help me meet my goal to "survive" the year. One of the habits I already have in place is for household cleaning. Life gets busy and it’s easy to get off track and then overwhelmed with the amount of chores it takes to keep a home running smoothly. When we moved in together, my husband and I decided to split the home maintenance tasks. You can read about why and how we divided up the cleaning chores here.

But regardless if you go it alone or you have someone to share the tasks with, you can still divide up your chores into daily chunks or implement a weekly routine to make maintaining a clean home automatic. I also find having a set cleaning schedule helps me get things done even when other areas of my life get busy. Keep reading to see how I came up with my weekly routine and a few tips to help you implement your own routines.

Creating a Plan

A few weeks after we moved into our house, and after we divided up the chores, I thought about what a typical week looks like for us and answered the below questions. Once I had a baseline of events for my week, I took all my tasks and plugged them in on days that made sense.

1. What days are busiest for you at work, school, in your social life?

Mondays are my busiest days at work. I'm usually there a little later than usual, and I know I'll be mentally exhausted and just want to chill out when I get home. So keeping Mondays chore-free are ideal.

2. What events within the week are out of your control?

I can't move my trash pick up day, or the day my favorite yoga instructor teaches the evening class. Those events are out of my control, and I need to plan around them.

3. What tasks make sense to complete on the same day?

For me, It makes sense to clean the bathrooms on the same day I launder our whites. This way, I can wash our towels, bath mats, and cleaning cloths in the cycle following the whites. If there is any residual bleach left in the machine, I'd rather it discolor my towels than our everyday clothing.

Other tasks that I prefer to do on the same day are grocery shopping (or in my case grocery pick-up) and meal prep. When I bring my groceries back to the house, I can wash and cut veggies and fruits before they ever hit the fridge. I can also divide out larger amounts of meat for dinners during the current week and freeze the rest. I make my mason jar salads for lunches and our week's worth of apple cider vinegar drinks.

Sticking to Routines

After you have your plan laid out, how do you stick to it?

• Complete a specific task on the same day each week or follow a cadence: Monday, Wednesday, and Friday , for example.

  In writing out your plan, you most likely already identified certain days for specific tasks based on your responses to the questions above.

• In addition to picking a specific day, you should also complete these tasks at the time each week.

  I choose to complete my daily duties immediately after I get home from work, including cooking dinner. Get it done before you get distracted by the comforts or craziness of home. For weekend chores, choose the same day, and use an event to trigger your task. For example, I wash our bedding on Saturdays. When my husband and I get out of bed for the day, we immediately strip the bed and take everything down to the laundry room and throw in the first load.

• Set alarms or reminders to complete these tasks until you've done so many times it becomes automatic.

A Look at my Week

Monday - That first day back to work from the weekend is brutal, so I keep it easy. My only chore on Monday is to cook dinner. And most times, I make a larger amount of dinner on Sunday, leaving us with leftovers for Monday, giving me time to relax and recharge for the rest of the week.

Tuesday - I clean our bathrooms and wash the whites, bath mats, shower curtains, and towels (bath towels, dish towels, cleaning cloths, etc.). I throw in a load of whites in the morning before heading out for the day. I use the delay start on my washing machine and set it to start an hour before the end of my workday. When I get home from work, the load has recently finished. I can throw the whites into the dryer and toss a load of towels into the washing machine. One load of laundry halfway completed, and I didn't even break a sweat. By the time I finish cleaning the bathroom and starting dinner, I can switch out another load.

Wednesday - I cook dinner and plan meals for the next week or two. I use the meal plans to create a grocery list for pick up on Sunday. I also folder my whites and towels Wednesdays after work. I know this doesn't work for everyone, but with only myself and my husband, I can fold and put away Tuesday's laundry in less than ten minutes.

Thursday - My trash pick up is Friday morning, so we use Thursday to clean out the refrigerator, empty all the trash cans, clean the cat litter boxes, and vacuum the floors. Then my husband takes all the trash from our house out to the curb before dinner. I also use Thursdays to wash blankets the cats lay on throughout the week and their window seat covers. Then I run a cycle to clean the washer before Friday's laundry. Again I try to cook enough on Wednesday to have leftovers for Thursday.

Friday - I use Friday to wash our clothing. Again I throw in a load before work and set the delay start. Change out the loads as soon as I get home and then start dinner. I keep Friday easy as a treat for surviving the week.

Saturday - We wash our bedding and fold and put away clothing from Friday's laundry. Saturdays are usually less routine, so dinner can be anything from take out, going out, or making something quick and easy from the freezer.

Sunday - I lounge in bed until I have to go pick up groceries. Then I come home to unpack, wash fruits and veggies, make a week's worth of jarred salads and ACV drinks, cut up vegetables for meals that week, and portion out any meat. I also cook a larger dinner to have leftovers for Monday. Sunday is a great day for a crockpot meal.

When I can stick to my routines it’s much easier to maintain a clean house and eat healthier. My routines work for me, and I've been doing them since we moved into our house four years ago, so they are automatic at this point. But my schedule may not work for you and your life. Your routines should make sense for your life. The good news is if you try something out and realize it doesn't work, no big deal, take another look at your typical week and move around your tasks until you find something that does work.

Do you have any tips for making cleaning easier in your life? What are some of your tried and true routines?

2020 Goals ... Better Late Than Never

Hi Everyone!

I know it's been a while since my last post, but life has had me on an emotional roller coaster these last eight weeks. I tried to use January as a reset month to get back on track with health, fitness, blogging, and setting goals for 2020. But life had other plans, and none of that happened. So here we are halfway through February, and I'm just getting around to sharing my 2020 goals. But before I share my 2020 goals, I wanted to let you in on one of the reasons I haven't been so consistent with my blog posts.

We're having a baby!!! And it's a boy!!

I won't go into too much detail except to say I am currently 21 weeks pregnant, and we confirmed a few weeks ago our little boy has Down syndrome. I don't want this post to be super long, and I want to give proper care, and attention to the topic of Down syndrome and my feelings about this pregnancy so keep checking back, or better yet, subscribe to my email list to get notified when a new post goes live. I plan to write about my first-trimester experience, how we found out about the Down syndrome diagnosis, and my initial reaction and current feelings about his diagnosis. Not to mention the fun stuff like nursery reveal and registry must-haves. Now on to my 2020 goals.

2020 Goals

#1 goal for 2020 = Survive the year

Ideally, I would like to come out of 2020 more than just surviving, but I also don't want to have unrealistic expectations. Having a new baby, especially one that may have medical complications and additional needs, is a huge undertaking, and I'll be happy to end the year with everyone still alive and bathed and fed at regular intervals, hence survival.

I started thinking about how I could put myself in the best possible position for survival once he arrives. I kept coming back to the word "healthy. Not only physically but emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and creatively. And for me being healthy in all these areas means better choices for meals, getting in 30 minutes of activity (almost) every day, reducing stress levels, maintaining relationships, and doing activities I enjoy. So my other goals for 2020 are focused around being healthy to ensure survival.

Goal #2 - Maintain/refine routines & Get back to habits that have gone astray

I am not naive, and I know that I will be at the mercy of a tiny human and his schedule in the back half of the year. BUT I thrive on routine and structure. So I know the habits I can put in place today or in the next few weeks will help me keep some structure in my day post-baby. This goal is an overarching goal with a few sub-goals.

#2A: Maintain Current Routines

A weekly cleaning routine - I already have a system in place to ensure my household chores get completed and have started thinking through what additional tasks I'll need to add to my week (or pass off to my husband) once little man is here.

Bill paying routine - The same goes for paying bills. I pay bills twice a month and in two-week chunks of time on the same day of the week both times. During my second bill paying session, I also review spending for that month and move funds into other "buckets" for household projects, savings, etc. I know I could take it even further and set most of my bills to auto-pay, but then I lose sight of what bills are due when and wouldn't pay too much attention to our spending. Sitting down for 30-40 minutes to review the balance of each invoice, schedule a payment, and move around the remaining budget gives me a sense of peace and control. I like to know where and when our money is coming and going.

A morning routine - Monday - Friday, I wake up about an hour earlier than necessary. I have some quiet time with my cats, do a 20-30 minute workout or some easy stretching if my body isn't feeling it that morning, a 10-minute meditation using my Calm app, and some journaling or reflecting on an oracle card if there's time left.

Having this time to be quiet and get centered before the craziness of the day makes such a difference in my outlook, mood, and energy levels. I'm more positive, friendly, and flexible at work, and I can make it through the day without an extra cup of coffee, no problem. It also makes a difference in my relationships with co-workers, friends, and, most importantly, my spouse. When I feel mentally and physically ready to take on the day, I am more loving and kind to the people in my life.

#2B: Get Back in the Habit of Previous Tried and True Routines

Meal Planning & Prepping - Before October, I had a routine of meal planning, grocery shopping/order pick up, and meal prepping. But the first-trimester exhaustion and then the holidays completely threw this routine out the window. I want to get back to having a meal schedule and prepping lunches and dinners ahead of time. Even if it's just chopping veggies and knowing what protein to take out of the freezer and when. That will be a huge help to cooking clean meals and spending less money eating out because something didn't thaw out or I don't have an ingredient for a recipe.

Goal #3: Put New Routines in Place

Blogging a.k.a. my creative outlet - The one routine I can't seem to nail down is for blogging. I've tried to set aside time after work for blogging tasks, but I don't have the motivation to sit in front of a computer after I've spent all day in front of monitors. Also, my evenings (after cooking dinner and doing my daily chore(s))are for spending time with my husband and cats, and soon my son.

I've also tried doing blogging on the weekend. But other activities, usually at the request of my husband, or an unexpected day of beautiful weather, take priority over blogging. So again, I end up not sticking to my routine or plan, which is why I haven't posted consistently since November. Life always seems to get in the way. The main objective of this goal will be to figure out how blogging fits into my life and how much or how little time I can truly devote to maintaining my site.

Goal #4: Plan for baby and educate myself on Down syndrome

I think planning for baby's arrival is everyone's goal when they find out they are expecting, especially their first child. I need to create my registry, decorate the nursery, sign up for the newborn and labor classes, and ensure we are financially in a comfortable place. These are projects all on their own, and if I think about them too much, I quickly become overwhelmed.

On top of the projects I just mentioned, I have quite a lengthy list of tasks to prepare myself for a child with Down syndrome. I want to read as many books as I can get my hands on. I have to attend the additional medical appointments. I would like to get in contact with local support groups, research early intervention specialists, and learn what financial assistance is available versus what we will need to plan for financially. Serious overwhelm thinking of ALL THE THINGS!

My Top 3 Priorities

I know I said survival is my numero uno, but when I go back and look at the goals I’ve laid out, planning for baby, meal planning and prepping routines, and figuring out what works best for me in terms of blogging are my top 3 priorities over the next five months.

I know meal planning and prepping will be the easiest of the three since I did have a solid routine for quite some time. And I do some meal prepping Sunday mornings already.

Blogging will come down to better planning and scheduling specific tasks to work in 15-30 minute increments rather than trying to hammer out a full post in one night...much like I am doing now.

The baby planning, well, I know that project will reach a finish line sooner or later whether I'm ready or not. I'd rather be prepared, but if I'm not, I'm pretty good at learning on the fly. And like I said, as long as we all end 2020 alive, bathed and fed I'll consider this year a win!

Advice, Tips, I’m All Ears

Please. I want to know. How did you plan for your child with or without additional needs?

Do you have a blog or a creative hobby? If so, how do you find time to work on it?

Any other tips that would help me survive in the months after our child is born?

January Reset

I am so happy to have said goodbye to 2019. Last year was rough physically, emotionally, and mentally. But now that we have officially started 2020, I also realize I am in no way prepared to start a new year, let alone a new decade.

I don't know how anyone had the time to complete a postmortem of the last year. With Christmas being so soon after Thanksgiving, all the holiday parties and activities and for my family, birthdays. So much happened in my life the last few months, while they went quickly, they also felt like a year all on their own. Before I can commit to new goals and a fresh start to the new year, I have to take some time to sit with all that's happened these last twelve months: the struggles, the lessons, and the achievements. So, this year I'm taking a fiscal year approach to 2020, and my fiscal year isn't going to start until February 1st! I'm going to use the 31 days in January to hash out my feelings about 2019 and set my goals for 2020.

A January Reset

I've drafted a rough plan for January's "reset." I want to start by journaling, something I've let slide in the last few months, about the lessons I've learned, the events which made me stronger, and the accomplishments I've achieved. I also want to examine my habits and routines and evaluate what worked and what didn't work.

Once I have my thoughts on paper, I plan to update my Life Pyramid document. I first read about creating a Life Pyramid on The Simple Dollar blog. I built mine three or four years ago, so it will be interesting to go back and read through my Purpose/Principles, my Vision for the next twenty years, and the Projects and Goals I set for myself to reach that vision. Once I've updated my Life Pyramid, I'll know what areas to focus on in 2020 and can create a Vision Board for 2020. I'm not trying to rush this process, but I'm hoping to have these activities completed by mid-January.

Finally, I'll focus my attention to solidifying my 2020 goals and writing out my action steps. I haven't decided if I'll break down my goals into quarterly chunks or get more granular and create monthly milestones. And I'll have to spend some time thinking about what will work for me when it comes to reviewing my progress. I've been great about setting goals in the past, but not so great when it came to keeping a date with myself to review my goal progress and course correct. No one likes to hear where they're falling short, even if you are only talking to yourself.

I hope to document my progress on Instagram throughout January, but I haven't been the best at posting on IG, so.... we'll see. Who knows, if this experiment works for me in 2020, I might make this January "reset" an ongoing practice.

Have you already set your 2020 goals? What is your process for setting new year goals?

2019 Holiday Gift Guide for Her

No. 1 Kopari Lip Glossy and Kopari Coconut Rose Toner, No. 2 Stars Above Beautifully Soft Fleece Lounge Jogger Pants, No. 3 Sunbeam XpressHeat Heating Pad, No. 4 Clarisonic Mia, No. 5 Lavince Sleep Headphones Bluetooth Sports Headband, No. 6 Morphe x Jaclyn Hill Palette and Morphe x James Charles The Eye Brush Set, No. 7 Pacifica Sea Foam Face Wash and Dreamy Youth Day & Night Face Cream, No. 8 Tone It Up Fitness App, No. 9 Calm Meditation App, No. 10 Lindor Truffles, Ferrero Rocher Hazelnut Chocolates, and Sarris Chocolate Covered Pretzels

Christmas is eleven days away…can you believe it?! I can’t! And with only ten shopping days left you might be struggling to find the perfect gift for your girlfriend, spouse, mom, sister, bff, co-worker or daughter. I’ve assembled some of my favorite recent-ish purchases. And the best part is these gifts are all under $100.

For the last year, I’ve been trying to clean up my skincare and makeup products. I’ve tested quite a few non-toxic, cruelty-free products. Kopari and Pacifica are easily two of my favorites. Their products smell delicious, feel incredible on the skin and won’t break the bank.

Another skincare product I’ve been obsessed with for a while is my Clarisonic Mia. My face is smoother, softer and has less breakouts. I only use it a few times a week, but that is all that is needed! It’s the most expensive item on my list, but it’s well worth it. I’ve had mine for two years now and highly recommend it. Just make sure to start out with the sensitive brush head to see what your face can handle.

A few months ago, I discovered the heating pad! I’m not sure how I never owned one, especially since I am always cold. Now I can’t live without it. I use it for cramps, lower back pains, and sore muscles. I also use it at work when my office is freezing. Yup, that’s right, I own not one, but two heating pads: one for home and one for work.

And while I’m laying in bed with my heating pad I’m wearing the most comfortable jogging pants I’ve ever owned. The Stars Above Fleece Joggers from Target are amazing. I started with just one pair, but hated when they were in the laundry. So now I have three pair. And if there were more colors available I would own more. Do yourself a favor and buy one as a Christmas gift and one for yourself.

My next recent favorite purchase is my bluetooth sleep headphones/headband. You can wear them to bed while listening to music, an audiobook or meditations. You can wear them during the colder months while jogging or walking. Or my personal favorite use - I wear them while making dinner to catch up on podcasts and to drown out the sound of my husband watching the dreaded news.

For any beauty lovers in your life, the Morphe x Jaclyn Hill eyeshadow palette is a must! I purchased this palette well over two years ago and use it just about every day. With the variety of options you can create looks for any occasion. And the price can’t be beat: 35 eyeshadows for $35!

And while you don’t need fancy makeup brushes to make these eyeshadows amazing, I’ve found the Morphe eyeshadow brushes to be some of my favorite for quick and easy application. The Morphe x James Charles brush set has every eyeshadow brush you’ll ever need.

The next two items on my holiday gift guide are digital and the two best apps I’ve every paid for. The first is the Tone It Up fitness app from Katrina Scott and Karena Dawn. I purchased this app over a year ago and just renewed my subscription. The fitness app has all types of workouts: yoga, strength training, cardio, kickboxing, barre and HIIT. The sessions range from ten minutes to sixty minutes and have modifications for all skill levels. The best part is I get to choose when and where I work out.

After a workout, I follow up my cool down with a ten minute meditation. I’ve tried both Headspace and Calm. For me, Calm is the clear winner. I prefer the background noises, program options and the narrator’s voice in Calm. They also have sleep stories narrated by Matthew McConaughey. If that’s not enough to peak your interest, I don’t know what is!

And the last item(s) in my self-care routine are oh-so-yummy chocolates. What girl doesn’t love chocolate? And the ones on my list are my favorites to receive in my stocking on Christmas morning.

I hope this gift guide offers up some inspiration to complete your Christmas list. What are your favorite self-care items for yourself or to give as gifts?

Main Bathroom Reveal

Hi there! Today's post is the much-anticipated bathroom reveal!! And I am so excited to share it with you.

We moved into our split-level house in the fall of 2015. Since then, we have completed a laundry list of home improvement tasks. We changed out all the windows and exterior doors, demolished the downstairs bathroom (it was a mess with mold and needed to go), and put down new vinyl tile flooring in the downstairs. We also added board and batten walls and custom cabinetry to the mudroom. We gave our staircase a make-over and put down new engineered hardwood flooring in the upstairs living room, hallway, and bedrooms. Our next big project was going to be the kitchen, but after some design plans and an initial cost estimate, we decided to tackle the only remaining bathroom first.

So Fresh and So Clean Clean

We looked at our calendars and chose the first weekend in November to tackle this project. Now I have to admit, I leave all the how-to and task management of the home projects to my husband. He loves creating things and working with his hands. And he is amazing at it. While I enjoy the finished product, I am less enthusiastic about the actual doing of the projects. I begrudgingly agree to be the assistant, but if I could hire someone to come in and do all the work, I would.

So when my husband showed me our five-day task list, I assumed he did all the research, and this was our plan to ensure completion of our bathroom by the end of the five days. However, two days into the renovation we were still on tasks listed under the day one column. I asked my husband why we were so off track. He not-so-pleasantly explained that this task list was not a "what we can accomplish each day" list, but more of a "what we have to get done each day to make our deadline" task list. Once my expectations were cleared up, I knew we were in trouble.

Renovation Realities

Not only was our five-day timeline unrealistic, but we also ran into some minor delays. Our old bathtub weighed 500+ pounds and took way too many hours to remove. The vanity light electrical outlet couldn't be relocated, which meant the light fixture we were planning to purchase wouldn't be centered over our larger vanity. The linen and vanity cabinets that we thought were blue-toned grey looked more green-toned grey after they were installed. The blue wall colors we chose now clashed with the cabinets.

The herringbone floor tile pattern my husband had his heart set on, was a little more complicated than we expected. After the third attempt to lay the floor, our frustrations got the best of us, and we scraped the herringbone pattern for a more typical running bond pattern. But we (my husband and father-in-law mostly) muscled through and crossed off task after task, changed up the plan to tackle the roadblocks, and made the best of the issues that couldn't be remedied.

Thankful for Family

A huge shout out to my in-laws for allowing us to take over one of their bedrooms and bathrooms for four weeks while we were without an upstairs toilet and vanity sink. Our lower level was equipped with plumbing, so we moved our old toilet downstairs for when we eventually add a second bathroom back. We could have stayed in our home throughout the renovation and went up my in-laws only to shower, but I get up at least once a night to use the bathroom. I could not image stumbling down the stairs and through a few doors to use the restroom and then come all the way back upstairs to fall back asleep hopefully. Yikes!

While it may have taken us three + weeks longer than we had initially planned, the end result was well worth the frustration, exhaustion, and hard work. There are still some minor tasks to be completed. We had to order additional trim for the tall cabinet, we have to install a hand towel rack, finish some touch-up painting and caulking, and add some decor pieces. Also, we need a bathmat and some additional towels to match our now green/grey color scheme. But those things will happen eventually, and at least our bathroom is fully functional. It's good to have another home project checked off the list.

How did we do? Leave your thoughts on our bathroom renovation below. Have you completed any home projects recently? How did they go?

What Are You Thankful For?

I know I usually publish posts on Wednesdays, but the last few weeks have been busy, and last night, I just wanted to chill. In honor of Thanksgiving, I wanted to post about a wonderful day date I had with my spouse a few weeks ago. He is the person I am the most grateful for, not only today but every day.

Dating my Spouse

About six weeks ago, my husband and I took a day trip to Frank Lloyd Wright's iconic Falling Waters and the surrounding area of Ohiopyle. Visiting Falling Waters has been on our "date list" for a while. And to my surprise, my husband took it upon himself to plan the day and purchase the tickets. Not only was the house/tour worth the sixty-minute drive, but it was a perfect Autumn day. Cool and crisp but also sunny. The drive was beautiful! Watching the leaves changing colors is one of my favorite times of the year and one of the best parts about living in Pittsburgh.

After the tour and a walk around the property, we headed to a local pizza shop for lunch. There was a festival happening, so we walked around the downtown area and took in the sights. After lunch, Doug wanted to take me to see the waterfalls. We stopped at Cumberland Falls and climbed around on the rocks like we were little kids. While I was gung ho to make my way down the hill to sit by the river, I was also praying I wouldn't slip or miss a rock and end up soaking wet or injured. We made it out to the river with no issues, took in the beautiful scenery for a few minutes, and then headed back up the hill to our next stop.

Our next and last stop was the natural water slides at Meadow Run. It was way too cold to take a run down the slides, but it was fun listening to my husband tell me some stories of him and his buddies coming here when they were in college. I played around with the slow-motion and time-lapse features of my iPhone camera. Then it was back in the car to head home.

We decided to take the back roads home so we could enjoy more of the rolling hills and changing leaves. It was a fantastic day with my husband. And it got me thinking about the importance of taking time to plan special dates with your partner. It's easy to be all blissed out and lovely the first few years you are together. But when you've been together six years, it's easy to fall into routines and fail to plan special moments and experiences together.

Doug and I made a list a while back of all the things in Pittsburgh we would like to see or experience. While we can cross this one off the list, there are still so many dates to be planned. Now we have to take the initiative and actually plan to do them. I like the idea of a weekly or even monthly date night, but we never seem to make it happen. I'm so grateful Doug made an effort and planned a wonderful day for us. It looks like I'm up next!

What are some ways you and your partner "date" each other?

Blog-mopolitan Quiz

Some things don’t go as you plan. My intention was to post about my bathroom renovation today, but we’re still a few days out from completion. What I expected to take 5-ish days has turned into almost three weeks and counting. So I have to be flexible and change up the plan.

I have always wanted to do one of these "Cosmo-inspired” blogger quizzes. So I figured today was a great day to have a little fun and create one of my own. Enjoy!

I hope you enjoyed learning a little more about me. Hopefully my bathroom will be completed soon and I can show you before and after pics.

Until then I’d love to learn more about you. Pick your favorite questions and answer them in the comments!

Ten Most Used Kitchen Tools

We are two weeks away from Thanksgiving! So in honor of the day that is all about cooking and eating, I’m sharing my ten most used kitchen tools. I’ve always enjoyed cooking, but in the last few years, I’ve pushed myself to prepare 80% of our meals at home. Not only to save money, but more importantly, to eat a clean, unprocessed, healthy diet. When you spend as much time in your kitchen prepping meals as I do, you want tools that will make the job easier. These are the tools I reach for daily, not just because they get the job done, but also because they make cooking and prepping food more efficient (and if you know me, you know being efficient is my jam!) and enjoyable.

#1: SANTOKU KNIFE 

I’ve had this knife for around ten years now. It’s the perfect size for a woman’s hand. The balance of the sword is excellent, and the blade is the ideal length. It’s the knife I reach for regardless of what I need to cut, slice, or dice. I sharpen it every couple of uses and hand wash it instead of putting in in the dishwasher. 

#2: GARLIC PRESS

This garlic press is fantastic! I use it on the daily. Yes, my home smells of garlic when you walk in the door. Thank goodness for Bath and Body three-wick candles, am I right? If you are cooking a lot of clean meals, garlic will be in at least half of your recipes. If you want a fast way to mince garlic, this bad boy does the trick.

#3: SILICONE SPATULAS

I use silicone spatulas for everything, mixing a bowl of seasoned veggies with oil, tossing a salad, stirring soups & stews, browning ground meat, scrambling eggs, scraping the sides of the food processor or Dutch oven,etc.. These utensils are so versatile. And the best part is they don’t distribute heat or melt so I can leave them hanging off a hot pan and not worry about burning my hand the next time I pick it up. And they are relatively inexpensive. I have five of these fantastic utensils and will most likely buy more the next time Target has some new cute designs or colors. I like my spatulas functional and pretty!

#4: BENCH SCRAPER 

It feels like I chop vegetables every day for one recipe or another and this amazing gadget helps move heaps of onions, peppers, carrots, zucchini from my cutting board into my cooking pans. I believe Rachel Ray used to rave about these food movers on her talk show back in the day. Now I know why. It’s an efficient little tool that makes cooking a little faster and less messy.

#5: SILICONE POT HOLDERS

These silicone pot holders are a lifesaver. My large stock posts have metal handles that get VERY hot when you’re cooking. Draining pasta or potatoes used to be a painful and uncoordinated experience before I got these little gems as a bridal shower gift last year. No more grabbing for dish towels or pot holders that make getting a good grip impossible. These silicone mitts cover just the tips of your fingers and allow for enough grip on the handles to pour boiling water into a strainer like a pro. They are also great for removing lids from hot pans. 

#6: CITRUS SQUEEZER

I love cooking Mexican food so having a citrus squeezer is a must! I use mine to add lime juice to recipes, guacamole, margaritas, etc. It is a time saver and less messy than hand squeezing. This particular citrus squeezer is for lemons but also works great for limes. 

#7: ONION HOLDER

This tool is technically an onion holder, but I’ve never actually used it to hold onions. I use this tool to hold chicken breast in place to thinly slice it for salads. It would also work for hard-boiled eggs.

#8: JOKARI PLASTIC BAG HOLDERS

Baggie holders were another fantastic gift I received at my bridal shower. They are perfect for keeping Ziploc bags upright so you can fill them up with soups or stews or marinades. Before these came into my life, I either asked my husband for assistance or made a huge mess trying to do it on my own. They are adjustable for the size of your baggies, have a silicone base to keep them in place and fold down for flat storage. While I don’t use them very often, they have made freezer meal cooking day so much easier.

#9: INSTANT POT

I could not have a list of my favorite kitchen items without mentioning my Instant Pot. This very loved small appliance is part of my meal prepping, dinner making at least twice a week. It’s AMAZING! It cooks frozen chicken breasts in 30 minutes and hard-boiled eggs in 7 minutes.

But it’s not just great for frozen chicken and eggs. Soups, Stews, Meatloaf with carrots and potatoes, shredded chicken for salads or quesadillas, so many things.

#10: NINJA BLENDER

And the last item on my favorites list is my Ninja Blender. I rarely leave myself time to eat breakfast in the morning, so before I head out for the day, I blend up a protein fruit smoothie in my Ninja. It makes quick work of chopping the frozen fruit and blending everything. We love our Ninja so much we even take it on our beach vacations. It’s perfect for blending margaritas, frozen daiquiris, and Pina Coladas. It’s also dishwasher safe. Does it get any better?!

So what do you think? Any of my faves on your list too? Comment below with your most used kitchen tools. I would love to add more gadgets to my list!

October Goal Setting and Progress So Far

Recalibrating your yearly goals in October seems to be a trend recently. When my Instagram feed started blowing up with posts about "the last 90 days" of 2019, I had to pause, where the hell did the last nine months go? I am sure all of you have had similar discussions or revelations about the year flying by.

I wanted to jump on the goal-setting/goal recalibrating bandwagon. But I had already missed out on most of October. Was it too late for me to set some new goals for the last 60 days? I decided it was worth the effort to start a few weeks late.

I reviewed the list of goals I wrote back in January. As I considered that list, I realized half of the items didn't apply now, and the other half didn't excite me anymore. So I started this process by making a list of all the accomplishments I've achieved thus far. I wanted to see where I should put more effort. Also, I was hoping looking back at my recent accomplishments would give me a boost of motivation.

My "Wins"

• I volunteer each month at my pap 's nursing home.

Volunteering has been a huge accomplishment for me. Older people make me uncomfortable, and that fear was stopping me from visiting my pap. With my grandma passing earlier this year in February, it has been even more important to spend as much time with my pap as possible.

• I completed two Whole30s.

While I would love to complete three this year, I don't see that happening. And 60 days of eating clean, unprocessed foods is way better than NOT eating clean for 60 days.

• I have read 16 books so far.

• We updated the flooring in our living room, hallway, and bedrooms from carpet to engineered hardwood.

• We reached our emergency savings goal.

• I worked with a life coach.

Working with a life coach was both a financial investment and an act of courage, but this accomplishment led me to the biggest win of my year so far.

• I launched my blog.

An not only did I start a blog, but I fought back many fears of imperfection, judgment, and "not being good enough." I took the time to plan out the steps it would take to launch this blog the right way. I even pushed back my initial launch date by a few weeks. And I have continued to publish weekly posts.

That's quite a list! I was surprised at how much I accomplished so far.

Time for Some Year End Goals

Now that I had my wins laid out in front of me, I took some time to think about how I wanted to end the year. And the overall theme was to be healthier. For me, that meant getting back to my healthy habits, giving myself time in the morning, working out consistently, and eating a mostly whole foods diet. I also decided to give my brain a break and stick to reading only fun, fictional books. I was going to stop there, but I knew I needed to keep the momentum going with the blog, so I added a goal for the blog as well.

When all was said and done, I had five goals to focus on for the last two-ish months of the year.

• Wake up at 6 am every weekday.

• Work out 4-5 times every week.

• Plan out the next seven days of meals every Tuesday.

• Read only fictional books until 2020.

• Continue to publish one blog post every Wednesday.
  

Progress so far...

I decided on these goals a few weeks ago, so I am currently in week three.

• Wake up at 6 am every weekday.

I woke up twice at 6am the first week and twice the second week. This week it's bed = 3 and Kim = 0. In my defense, we are currently renovating the only bathroom in our house and took off work Monday and Tuesday to work on the bathroom. Since our bathroom is not yet complete, we are staying at the in-laws' house in the interim, so my routine has gone out the window with this goal. I'll try again once we are fully back in our home.

• Work out 4-5 times every week.

I completed four workouts the first week, along with 30 minutes of walking on my lunch break all five days. The second week I finished three workouts along with four days of walking on my lunch break. This week so far, I have worked out twice with a lunchtime walk today. I don't foresee any additional workouts happening until Saturday. But walking up and down my steps at home gathering tools for my husband counts as exercise, right?

• Plan out the next seven days of meals every Tuesday.

Yeah, this hasn't happened at all. I don't have any excuses either. I just didn't do it (shrug).

• Read only fictional books until 2020.

I was kicking ass on this goal. I read two fiction books since I set this goal. Unfortunately, I'm waiting on the library for the next fiction book on my list. So until it's ready for me, I picked up a non-fiction book I had in my "To Be Read" pile. Readers gonna read.

• Continue to publish a blog post every Wednesday.

Well, here you are reading my most recent blog post published on a Wednesday. I'm at least at 100% for this goal!

While thinking about all my accomplishments, my end of year goals and my progress thus far, I'm deciding to add a sixth goal to my list. And that goal is to be easier on myself when I don't hit my targets. Shit happens, bathroom renovations take longer (way longer) than anticipated. But as long as I am reaching for my goals most days, I'm considering that a win.

In a few weeks, I'll post an update, and maybe I'll be back on track. Or...maybe I won't.

Have you set end of year goals for yourself? Is one of those goals to be kinder to yourself for not hitting your targets? If not, it should be.

Let me know in the comments.

Not-So-Random Acts of Encouragement

Yesterday I happily mailed out the third installment of a ten-card kindness program in which I am participating. My cousin-in-law is a school teacher in Ohio, and she, along with her co-worker, created the "Spreading Kindness One Letter at a Time" project. This initiative pairs an adult with a student from their fourth-grade class. The participant writes a positive and encouraging letter or card to their student each month for the entire school year.

Volunteering for this program has me thinking quite a bit about how small acts of kindness can impact someone's life. When I published my pregnancy journey post a few weeks ago, I felt so appreciative and thankful for all the positive and inspirational comments and messages I received. So many friends, family members, and total strangers shared their personal stories with me and offered their encouraging words and hopeful prayers. It was heart-warming and humbling to receive so much encouragement in an area where I am struggling.

But in thinking about this Kindness Project, both the receiver and the giver are impacted. I always feel happier and inspired after writing out a card for this project. I am making a difference in a child's life, and that feels good.

Selfish or Selfless?

It may be a little selfish, but those feel-good feelings have inspired me to think of more ways I can interject some acts of encouragement into my life and continue to spread the good vibes. My first idea was to make a list of family, friends, and acquaintances and then commit to sending one card per month. I could work my way through the list until everyone was crossed off.

But after sitting with that idea for a little while, I decided I wanted this practice to be organic and thoughtful, requiring me to be more mindful and attentive in my relationships. I'm not thoughtless, but I tend to move quickly through my interactions. Much like how we scroll through social media feeds, I don't take much time to pause and reflect about the person with whom I just had a connection.

Just One Minute of Your Time

All it takes is one minute to think, "Hey, he seems to be struggling with x,y,z." or "Wow! I don't know how she does it all? What a superwoman!" or "I haven't heard from her in a while. She must be really busy?" While each scenario is different, a struggling friend, someone inspiring, or a co-worker who's really busy. I bet each person would be thankful and feel loved to get a card with a few encouraging sentences. A little, "Hi. I see what you're doing in the world, and I think you are amazing." How great would that feel to be the person making them feel amazing, even if only for that day?!

So instead of a random card each month, I want to be more intentional and not-so-random with my encouraging words. I want to not only make that person's day, but also live in the moment and be more thoughtful in my relationships. And the good vibes it puts out into the universe couldn't hurt either.

Are You Ready to Put Good Vibes Out in the Universe?

I wanted to share this project to hopefully inspire you to start a not-so-random acts of encouragement practice of your own. And at the very least, maybe get you thinking about all the times you've been on the receiving end of kindness and bring a smile to your face. :)

If you need somewhere to start here are a couple of options. A co-worker of mine shared them with me today. What perfect timing!

• Cards for Hospitalized Kids - This organization accepts handmade cards and distributes them to hospitals and Ronald McDonald Houses across the nation.

• Operation We Are Here - This website has great resources for groups that coordinate distribution of cards and care packages for deployed military. This site also has suggestions of quotes and topics for the cards. A co-worker shared them with me today.

Why not start a new family tradition this Thanksgiving and get the entire family to make cards for a hospitalized child or a deployed service member and get them in mail just in time for the holidays.

And if you are a school teacher, take note of the "Speaking Kindness One Letter at a Time" project and consider implementing something similar at your school. Image all the lives that could be affected just by sending one positive letter a month!

Remember: Kindness is like glitter. Sprinkle that shit everywhere!

What have you implemented in your life to spread good vibes and kindness? Let’s share ALL the ideas!!!

Trying to Get Pregnant Sucks

Hi friends! I wanted to give today’s post a little introduction/explanation. I wrote this post a few weeks ago after another month of trying to conceive with no success. My body was confusing the hell out of me and I was convinced I was pregnant. The day my period was supposed to arrive came and went and I got just a tiny bit excited. The next morning I planned to take a pregnancy test, but instead was greeted by Aunt Flo and I was devastated. My emotions were all over the place and out came this post.

And while I don’t always feel this way, I do sometimes have difficult days and this particular day was one of my hardest days in the last few months. Writing out my feelings in this post was extremely freeing and therapeutic. But I wasn’t sure if I should share this on the blog. It’s very personal and makes me feel vulnerable and uncomfortable knowing people will read these words. But I want this blog to be real. And the purpose of this blog is to push myself out of my comfort zone. What better way to do that then putting my thoughts and feelings on display. Thank you for taking the time to read this wordy introduction and the post below.

I'm going on a little rant today about trying to get pregnant. I've been feeling ALL the feelings about this topic recently, and need to let it out. So, (deep breath) here it goes.

Trying to get pregnant fucking sucks!

My husband and I have been trying to have a baby for the last 14 months. And I'm just sooo over it. My time is spent peeing on sticks, tracking my cycle, questioning every bodily function, and calendaring every time we have sex. My mind is, unconsciously, in a constant state of anxiety and stress, which, of course, are horrible conditions for getting pregnant.

And when the pee sticks are finally smiling (a.k.a ovulation time), my husband and I are everything but excited to get busy. Seriously. When it’s ovulation time sex feels like such a chore. Don’t get me wrong, I very much enjoy being intimate with my husband, but when it’s something you HAVE to do instead of something you WANT to do it’s just another thing to cross of the to-do list. Which is no fun. BUT...this is our only chance for the next 3-4 weeks to make that baby, so let's get it on.

The first few months, I tried to be nonchalant and even seductive about it being THAT time because I didn't want to put too much pressure on my husband to perform. But the months and months and months of trying for a baby wear on you. And I'm tired of pretending to be super turned on when really I'm just ovulating and want to get down to business so we can move along with our day. This all sounds so sexy, I know.

The Two Week Torture

Then for the next two weeks, I scrutinize every symptom and feeling like, "Hmm, is that a metal taste in my mouth?" or "Do my boobs feel tender?" or "Oh, I'm exhausted today. Hmmm…" And as I get closer to the dreaded period, I start to pick apart every abdominal cramp, every crazy dream, and every dropped utensil. Every time I go to the bathroom, I silently pray, "Please don't see blood. Please don't see blood."

When I don't see blood, usually because it's a day or two too soon, I'm relieved and still hopeful. But when I do eventually see the beginning traces of my period, I'm resentful of my body, disappointed, depressed, and angry. I can’t wrap my brain around it. How could we not be pregnant? We had perfectly timed intercourse, I kept my hips elevated for exactly 15 minutes post sexy time, and I feel like someone inflated my chest with saline while I was sleeping. So, not only am I angry, but I feel betrayed by my body and also foolish for really believing this was it, for the 10th time. I basically shouldn't be around people for the next 24-48 hours. I'm like a child throwing a temper tantrum because they are hungry or tired, and have no clue how to rationalize their feelings.

Babies EVERYWHERE!!

And of course, all I see anywhere I go are babies or pregnant ladies. On my favorite TV show, commercials in between TV shows, ads on the radio, in ALL the stores, the restaurants, driving around my neighborhood… babies are EVERYWHERE except in my uterus. And I don't want to be sad or resentful of these cute babies or the pregnant mommas, but sometimes I am. And that sucks.

So, I allow myself to be miserable for a few days because, according to all the self-help books, you should allow yourself to feel all your feelings. But eventually, I get tired of being miserable. So I give myself my best, "Put your big girl panties on" or "Have faith in your path" or "Be patient, God has perfect timing" speeches until I can pull it together and feel semi-normal just in time to start peeing on sticks all over again. Yeah me!

I know everyone says being pregnant and having children is exhausting, but trying to get pregnant to have those children is also exhausting! Mentally, Physically, Emotionally, Spiritually, Socially. I don't know how many kids’ birthdays or friends’ parties I've turned down because I didn't want to pretend to be interested in a conversation with the guys while all the women are tending to their children. I want to be one of those women! But I’m not yet so, No I don’t want to come to your kid’s 5th birthday party. Maybe next year. This shit definitely takes a toll on your social and emotional well-being.

Emotional Roller Coasters

And can we talk about hormones for a minute? Until I went off the birth control pill, I thought I was a girl who had her shit together emotionally. I had trouble controlling my facial expressions (and still do), but for the most part, I could keep my feelings quietly tucked away on the inside where no one had to see them but me and the very few people I’ve let see me vulnerable.

But now, holy shit, sometimes I think I'm legit insane. I'll be watching a home renovation show, and tears will start streaming down my face. My husband will turn, looking equal parts concerned and scared, and ask if I'm alright. To which I reply, laughing at this point because while also concerned I’m more confused, "I have no clue why I'm crying, but I can't stop."

If I have no idea why I'm crying, how am I supposed to know if what I'm feeling is a legitimate emotion or just my over-active hormones fucking with my sanity? And I am really angry because you brought home the wrong milk or did my estrogen just take a dip? Am I really anxious to drive on the highway, nope that’s the progesterone. I have all these feelings and stress and crazy thoughts just taking up space in my mind day in and day out on a loop every 28-30 days. And all my husband has to do is get it up!

Let me be clear, my husband is wonderful. He is loving, attentive, affectionate, but he has no clue. And he may not admit it, but he doesn't want to know either. He's perfectly happy with as little involvement as necessary. And I get it! I would want to be blissfully unaware, too, if it wasn't happening to me.

So, there you have it, my thoughts on TCC ("trying to conceive"). It's confusing and scary and all kinds of exhausting. It's lonely and heartbreaking and just sad. In a nutshell, it's the fucking worst! ...But also, hopefully, the best lesson on patience I'll ever learn.

If you are in this season of your life like I am, or you struggled to conceive, or maybe you had zero issues, but can understand the struggle, I'd love to hear from you in the comments below.

What are your thoughts on trying to get pregnant?

You Run the Vacuum and I’ll Clean the Bathroom: A Must-Have Conversation Before Living Together

**Disclaimer: I am not a relationship or marriage expert. This is just my opinion and what worked for my relationship.

Doug and I made the decision to move in together two years after we started dating and three years before we tied the knot. It was important for us to see how our relationship would evolve by living together. As the big day got closer, we had the typical conversations a couple should have before living together. We discussed our finances and budgeting. And living in a single bathroom home, we hashed out our morning and nighttime routines. But the most important conversation we had in those weeks leading up to our cohabitation was about the division of household responsibilities and our expectations for cleanliness.

Thankfully, we agreed the household responsibilities should be equally divided, and we were on the same page as far as cleanliness was concerned. So one afternoon (or maybe it was evening, that was four years ago at this point) we sat down and listed out all the household duties. We included everything from cleaning the bathrooms and cooking dinners to yard work, routine maintenance, and even making the bed. After our list was completed, we went chore by chore and moved it to either Doug’s section or mine.

Dividing the Chores

Doug has allergies, so a home free of dust was a must for him. Unfortunately, I grew up tortured by my weekly chores of dusting and vacuuming and still dislike them to this day. It seemed only logical for Doug to dust the house and clean the floors. I enjoyed cooking and was comfortable in a grocery store, so I took on the role of house chef. Doug liked yard work and took pride in a well-kept property. And while I enjoy the outdoors, the idea of gardening, mowing the lawn and shoveling snow makes me cringe. So he became yardmaster and bought himself a sweet riding mower/tractor.

And on it went. Auto maintenance and general handyman tasks went to Doug. I took on cleaning the bathrooms and laundry. I gather all the trash and Doug takes it out to the curb. We decided loading/emptying the dishwasher, and after dinner, clean-up would be a joint effort as much as possible. For the most part, the list was relatively simple to divide, but once we got down to the end, we debated and negotiated. Once all chores were spoken for it was a no-brainer come moving day.

I didn’t realize how vital this conversation was until I mentioned it to my best friend and then again a while later to my co-worker. During both discussions, they expressed their amazement on how logical and practical the conversation seemed. And yet, neither of them had this conversation with their partners. In the last few years, I had similar conversations with friends and family and received similar responses.

A Piece of Advice

At the time, we didn’t think it was an eye-opening conversation. We just knew that a well-kept home was essential to both of us, only in different ways and in different areas. And we knew neither of us wanted to be bogged down doing everything ourselves. Now he has his routines, and I have mine, and everything gets done. That’s not to say sometimes we don’t ask each other for help or a chore doesn’t get completed for a week or two. But we don’t give each other a hard time or nag. We know it will get done eventually and it’s the other person’s responsibility so why worry about it.

I think it’s important to mention if there is a chore that will absolutely drive you bonkers if it doesn’t get completed daily, weekly, whatever your preferred cadence, then that chore should be on your list. The point of this conversation is to remove the stress from an area that could be very stressful for couples living together. It’s not to worry about the tasks your partner did or didn’t do from their list. So if dust building up on your bookshelf will put you in a tizzy, just do it yourself!

What You Appreciate, Appreciates

I can’t tell you how grateful I am for Doug knowing I don’t have to vacuum or mop or dust (I really might have PTSD from moving every little knick-knack and picture frame off the bookcases in my childhood home only to dust the shelf and then put each figurine back in its correct location. Ugh, the worst!).

Not only has this one small conversation saved our relationship from the frustration of chore overwhelm, but the amount of respect and thankfulness we have for each other has grown.

So do yourself a favor and have this conversation. And if you can’t agree or neither of you want to do the chores, then my next piece of advice is budget for a cleaning person. It’s not worth the arguments and stress.

Let’s Review

How do you do decide which chores are yours, and which are your partners?

Step 1: Sit down with a bottle of wine.

Step 2: You and your partner each make two lists: one of the chores you don’t mind taking on and another of the tasks you can’t stand.

Step 3: Compare your lists and make two new lists. One list for the chores you will take on and one for the tasks your partner complete. Example: You don’t mind doing laundry, but your partner has never used a washing machine then add laundry to your chore list.

Step 4: Review the unclaimed chores.

Step 5: Now, you negotiate. “I’ll take unloading the dishwasher if you take grocery shopping.” Continue bartering until all chores have an owner.

You did it! You now have clear expectations, a division of responsibilities, and hopefully, one less thing to stress about as you merge all the things.

What other essential conversations should we be having before combining all the things? I’d love to hear your thoughts.