Five Must Haves for an Unmedicated Labor

When I became pregnant with Logan, I knew I wanted to attempt unmedicated vaginal birth. It is more beneficial for the baby and mother to have minimal medical interventions, from what I read. But also, I wanted to prove to myself I could do it. While I haven't shared Logan's birth story yet, I'll give you a spoiler. Logan was delivered via an emergency cesarean section. BUT, that was after hours and hours of unmedicated labor. I made it to 9cm dilated. I was so close to the pushing stage and then like a good book… Plot Twist. And even though Logan’s birth didn’t end as I hoped, I got as far as I could on my own. I wouldn’t have made it as far as I did, however, without the five items listed below.

Before I count down my top five, I do have some honorable mentions. These items didn’t necessarily help get to me 9cm, but they did come in handy throughout labor and during recovery.

• A front zip sports bra. I can't remember where I heard about this one; a birth podcast or a labor and delivery youtube video, maybe, but having a zip-front sports bra made skin to skin much easier. A quick unzip and the baby can be placed on your chest. No worries about pulling a bra over your head or having someone unhook it from the back.

• A locking water bottle. I had mine in bed with me all night before active labor started and then during recovery when I was sore and it was hard to move. Not once did I worry about it leaking.

• A long phone charging cord. This item is on every mom's must-have list, and for a good reason. Hospital beds are made to be moved, so they are not snug up against a wall with an outlet super close. The one I purchased was 10 foot long and it was perfect.

• Items for your support partners: an extra pillow and blanket, comfy warm pants and a hoodie, and snacks. The nurses and doctors are there to care for you and your baby, not for your support person. Make sure they bring some essentials from home so they can get some rest, not freeze their bums off, and stay energized. If your lucky, your labor won't be too long, but it could also be days if you factor in recovery time.

Okay, now on to the good stuff. Here are the five items that got me through hours of unmedicated labor:

5. Crocs and Socks Anyone?

I know Crocs aren't for everyone, but they were one of the best items I brought to the hospital. I wore them not only during labor, but also during recovery in the hospital. I labored on my feet most of the time, and was even in the shower at one point. Crocs, while not very fashionable, are supportive, comfortable, and won't slip on wet surfaces like showers. I also wore them with warm thick socks when I traveled down to the NICU to see Logan. I wasn't worried about showcasing the latest foot fashions during our hospital stay. If you are, then Crocs may not be for you. But I'm keeping them on my must-haves list. Side note: I got tons of compliments from the nurses about my Crocs.

4. Stay Focused with Noise-canceling Earbuds

With noise-canceling earbuds, I was able to sleep better the night before active labor started. I had my white noise app on and could drown out the monitors' sounds and commotion from the hallway. Once I was in active labor, my earbuds were great for blocking everyone out and focusing on what my body needed to do.

3. Zone Out with playlists of music, meditations and calming sounds

I made labor playlists weeks in advance on Spotify. One playlist had upbeat, fun songs for the start of labor. You know, before contractions became fast and furious, and shit got real. Imagine college pre-gaming, getting ready with your girls type songs. The second playlist was calmer, more acoustic, and zen. Think coffee house or brunch cafe vibes. I also had a few meditations focused on pain management saved from my Calm app. Both my playlists and my meditations helped keep me in a great headspace to make it as far as I did.

2. have a mantra or affirmation and Put it on Repeat

I know it sounds very woo woo to say this is a must-have, but you don't know unless you know. And since I've been through unmedicated labor. I know! My mantra was "pain equals progress," and I repeated those three words in my head over and over and over and over and over again during my contractions.

1. Enlist a Professional by hiring a doula

By far, the MVP of my labor was my doula. Not only did she provide physical support during labor through counter-pressure and massages, but she also talked me through options for being admitted to the hospital vs. staying at home before active labor. She advocated for my birth preferences when my doctor suggested a cesarean section by asking if there was an alternative option and how much time we had before deciding. And during the c-section, she was in the operating room. She took photos of Logan while he was being cleaned up, weighed, and assessed. My doula captured his first minutes of life. She then waited around until we were all safely back in our recovery room.

Our doula checked in on us a few days post-delivery and had a final meeting with us a few weeks after we came home from the hospital. She brought over a small notebook where she wrote down the details of that day, Logan's birth story. I didn't have to piece together snippets of memories from the most special day of my life. I had them written down as fact for me to read whenever I wanted.

Doulas are an added expense, and their fees can range from a few hundred dollars to a couple of thousand dollars, depending on geographic location and their experience. But having my doula by my side during labor was worth every penny!

mamas, What were your mvps of labor?

A Canceled Baby Shower and Isolation During Pregnancy

Today was supposed to be my baby shower. But due to Covid19, we had to cancel as so many other expectant mamas have had to do. And I could be sad about today. About missing out on such a special milestone in my first and possibly only pregnancy. But instead, I am choosing to be grateful, happy, and optimistic.

I'm grateful myself, my baby, my husband, and our family and friends are all healthy and at least physically unaffected by this virus. My fingers and toes are crossed, that remains the case. I'm grateful to be blessed with so many wonderful friends and family who have sent or dropped off gifts even though the shower was canceled weeks ago.

I'm happy it's a beautiful day here today, sunny and warm, which is my favorite kind of weather. And I'm so glad I have the whole day free to soak in all this sun while reading a book and writing this post.

And I'm optimistic this time we are living through, literally history in the making shall pass eventually. My experiences during this pregnancy have been far from what I initially expected. However, in many ways, it's been just what I expected and also even better than I expected.

Why Be Sad When You Could Be Glad

No, I won't have beautiful memories and pictures of getting together with friends and family to celebrate our little boy before his arrival. But I was planning on having pizza, hoagies, and an ice cream bar at the shower. With a recent diagnosis of gestational diabetes, I wouldn't have been able to partake in all that yummy food. So instead, we're hoping to have a "Meet the Baby" get together after his arrival. And hopefully, then I'll be able to eat all the pizza and ice cream I want.

And no, my husband currently can't accompany me to any of the prenatal appointments I've had over the last few weeks. But with his work schedule, I don't think he would have been able to attend those appointments anyway. We've found other ways to keep him connected to this pregnancy and our little one. I immediately send ultrasound photos or videos. I fill him in on what he missed: if the baby was cooperative or uncooperative, an update on his development, growth and the progression of the pregnancy, and my thoughts and feelings regarding the appointment. He also reads books at bedtime, touches my belly when little man is going crazy, and has helped set up the nursery. He's about as connected and involved with this pregnancy and our son as I'd expect him to be regardless of the current situation.

And no, I may not be able to have my doula in the room with us while I give birth (that one is still a possibility, so I'm going to hold out hope) or have visitors at the hospital afterward. BUT it's incredible what this pandemic has created in regards to virtual connection. My doula can be there via IPad or phone to offer suggestions for pain management and walk my husband through the best ways to be supportive. She can also provide her opinion regarding how our pregnancy is progressing. It's been helpful to know ahead of time she may only be there virtually. I have done more research on what I can do to create a calm and positive atmosphere and how to be a self-advocate for the labor I'm hoping to endure.

I've had the time to practice breathing techniques and put together a few labor playlists to listen to during the various stages of labor. I've created a vision board with prompts to remind me to relax my body, breathe slowly and deeply, and to trust that my body knows what it's doing. I'm performing daily exercises and holding postures that are said to help progress labor. And I'm quizzing my husband on my birth plan as much as I can, so hopefully, some of it will stick with him. Long story short, I'm a person that likes to be prepared and having a heads up that I might have to do this solo (or at least without a doula), I'm taking the time to prepare mentally, physically, and emotionally.

And as far as visitors after his arrival, I have no clue how my childbirth experience will be. I can plan as much as I want, but until it's over and he's here, I'm not sure what physical or emotional state I'll be in after labor. Knowing people aren't waiting to swarm in to offer congratulations and to paw my brand new baby is kind of refreshing and peaceful. Sorry to any family reading this. I love you all and know you are super excited to meet him, but the idea of not having to "entertain" anyone for the first few days sounds appealing. I'm sure many people feel the opposite. But I know myself and while I may be begging for the help after his arrival, right now I like the idea of our little family riding the newborn wave solo for the first two or three days. After that, bring all the help!! LOL.

What to Expect When You're Expecting...

This period of my pregnancy is also going exactly as anticipated in many ways. My body is growing and changing every day. Some days I wake up feeling great, and other days I am uncomfortable from the minute I open my eyes. Some nights I sleep soundly and other nights I'm awake every hour having to pee or attempting to readjust my position to get comfortable.

Some days I feel almost light on my feet, and other days I know I'm waddling like Donald Duck. There have been moments that just for a second, I forget I'm pregnant until I catch myself in the mirror and see my bulging belly. Some days my mood and temperament are even and typical. Other days I feel certifiable. I can cry watching a sitcom or become enraged over a simple request to laminate an extra sheet of paper. I can have mood swings that give my husband whiplash.

And there are doctors' appointments, lots of them during this time. Even if some of them are via telemedicine, I still have to be at every single one. There was one week, not too long ago, when I had five appointments in three days! And I don't see the telemedicine visits as missing out on pregnancy milestones, I see them as peace of mind. I'm sure if there were concerns, my doctors wouldn't hesitate to bring me in more often. The fact I have telemedicine visits lets me know things are progressing as they should.

Can I Get an AMEN!!!

There are many things I could be bummed about, there are also many things I'm jazzed about. I have time to prepare for this baby. Not having obligations on the weekend gives me time to set up and organize the nursery. To wash all the clothing, bedding, blankets I've received. And to declutter the house to make room for baby items. I can pamper myself with a nice long bath, a pedicure (even though it's getting really hard to reach my toes), or a mid-day nap. I can read all the books I purchased to prepare for childbirth and postpartum and infant care. That in itself is pretty sweet.

I've also been working from home for the last eight weeks, which will hopefully continue until close to my due date. During this time, I don't have to wear pants!!!! Can I get a hallelujah from all the pregnant ladies?! I get to sleep in. I can take a nap on my lunch break if needed. I can switch out loads of laundry throughout the day, so I don't have to do it when I come home. I can prep dinner on a break, so it's ready to go once I clock out for the day.

Working from home in the last part of pregnancy has been glorious!! I wake up, get a workout in, maybe shower, maybe not and roll up to my desk in leggings and a t-shirt that I may or may not have slept in. And it doesn't matter because no one, except my husband, will see me. My skin feels great because I've been sans makeup for weeks, so no need to scrub and rub my face at night. My hair is still looking good because I'm not torturing it with a curling iron or flat iron on the daily. Hell, if I wash my hair twice a week, that's an accomplishment. I have free time to do the things that matter like workout and meditate or cook a healthy meal since I don't have to get "presentable" and commute to an office.

This will also make the transition from pregnancy to maternity leave a little easier. I get to go from working from home during a time of isolation to staying home during maternity leave with periods of isolation. I know for some mamas, it's tough to transition from social interactions every day to being at home full time mostly alone.

I get to spend all day with my cats, which I know they appreciate. I know my time to cuddle and baby them will be limited once little man is on the scene so I’m soaking it in now. My husband is working from home too, so we eat lunch together every day, during breaks we check-in to see how each others' days are going. When work is over for the day, we can put on our sneakers and go for a walk. We don't have to wait for the other to get home or stop and make dinner first. We look out the window, and if it's decent out, we go for a walk. This time I have to connect with the person and animals I love the most is so precious, and I don't take a single minute of it for granted.

Now, sure I miss my co-worker, seeing my nieces and family and having dinner dates with friends, but those things all still happen just different now. We can zoom, have driveway/porch check-ins, or have social distance coffee chats in the front yard. It's different, but it's doable.

I guess it helps that my husband and I are more homebodies and less social butterflies, but I'm loving the quarantine life most days. I'm trying to use this time wisely and set myself up for survival once the baby comes. Now, this doesn't mean there aren't things I'm bummed about.

FOMO for Real!

I was really looking forward to a pregnancy massage or two. I hear prenatal massages feel amazing!! I wanted to have a few chiropractic appointments to adjust my hip alignment and ease any backaches. I expected to be able to browse racks of infant clothes and purchase a few outfits, books, and toys that were just from me.

I wish I would have taken a prenatal yoga class before all this started. I've done a few online, but taking a class would have also allowed me to connect with other expectant mothers in my area. I planned to pamper myself every few weeks with gel manicures and spa pedicures while I sat in the chair and relished in the alone time. I purchased Groupon tickets to go to a float spa with my husband. Feeling weightless while pregnant must feel incredible. And I’m missing out on all the attention and adoration that comes from strangers and co-workers when you are pregnant.

But, if I let myself think about all the milestones I'm missing out on, I could really put myself into a funk. So instead, I'm looking for things to be grateful for during this isolating time: being outdoors, feeling the sun on my face, and the wiggles of a very active baby in my belly. And I'm choosing to be happy!

What are you missing out on while in quarantine? What are you loving about this time?

First and Second Trimester Pregnancy Essentials

Holy Moly! I'm less than one week away from my third trimester. How and when did that happen?! As I head into my third trimester, I put together a list of the products I loved and still love using from my first and second trimesters.

First Trimester

I was pretty lucky in my first trimester. My only symptoms were sore, sensitive, and growing breasts, pregnancy bloat, and exhaustion. I had waves of nausea if I overate, but never had "morning sickness" and never came close to vomiting.

Sore and All of the Sudden Ginormous

To help with my sore and growing boobs, I wasted no time getting some larger wireless bras. Ones I could wear to bed, to work and to work out in (which by the way, I didn't work out almost at all my first trimester. I was much too tired).

Am I Showing Already? - Nope That's Just Pregnancy Bloat

I didn't listen to my co-worker soon enough when she told me not to wait to buy some maternity pants. I tried the hair tie trick with some of my regular jeans, but was still uncomfortable most of the day. I finally gave in around week 7-8 and purchased some maternity jeans and leggings. I wish I wouldn't have waited so long. The leggings were terrific! I wore them every weekend and most nights to bed.

The leggings were from Motherhood Maternity. I got eight pairs on clearance since the stores near me were going out of business. My maternity jeans I got from Target. I tried the "Under the Bump" and "Over the Bump" and hands down prefer the "Over the Bump" options. The "Under the Bump" styles were low cut, and I prefer my ass to be covered when I sit down. Ain't no one want to see my thong peeking out the back of my pants. So "Over the Bump" it was! And even 20 weeks later, then fit me perfectly and have stretched to accommodate my growing baby.

Other clothing items I purchased early in my pregnancy were maternity t-shirts, tank tops, and over-sized sweaters. For the t-shirts and tanks, I mostly shopped the maternity sections. I got a few great options from the Isabel Maternity by Ingrid & Isabel line at Target. They don't have ruching on the sides and stretched with your growing bump. I sized up in a few vintage Universal Thread t-shirts and A New Day long-sleeved t-shirts. Both are from Target and both are still staples in my wardrobe now at 27 weeks. For sweaters, I decided I could get away with sizing up to a medium or large, especially since it was winter. We all like to be cozy in the winter.

You're Napping AGAIN?!

I heard the first trimester usually comes with exhaustion, but was not prepared for just how tired I would be. Even after eight-plus hours of uninterrupted sleep, I was ready to put my head down at work only two hours later. When I'd get home, I'd curl up on the couch and crash for thirty minutes. And I was ready to call it a night around 9:00 pm.

I remember my husband coming home from work, and seeing me napping said, "You're napping again?!" Yes, I am napping again. There is sorcery happening in my body, and I'm fucking tired! It also didn't' help that the whole first month of my pregnancy, we were renovating our bathroom. So on top of working, I also had to come home and be somewhat helpful to my husband while he cut and measured and installed various materials.

A few things that helped my napping game (which BTW, I am not a normal napper. At least I wasn't pre-pregnancy. I am now.) was a sleep mask and a white noise machine. Both things are part of my regular sleep routine but came in handy when it was still light outside, and my husband was watching tv in the living room. Oh, and coffee. And yes, I still drank 1-2 cups of coffee a day.

What's Happening in my Body and What Size Fruit or Vegetable is my Adorable baby Now?

My other go tos during my first trimester and items I’ve continued to use during my pregnancy are pregnancy related apps and a journal. I started keeping a journal/planner/to-list a few years ago. I found it helpful during this pregnancy to write down any symptoms I was having, concerns or questions for my doctor appointments, pregnancy milestones, and all the thoughts and feelings I was having about this pregnancy. When I review my journal entries at the end of the month, it is enjoyable to read about his first kicks, when my energy came back and when my belly measurement increased by two inches in only three weeks. I can’t wait to share these memories with him when he is older or to refer back to if we have more children.

I almost immediately downloaded The Bump and Babycenter apps. I love knowing what size/weight baby is each week, what to expect as my body changes or all the various decisions to think through about labor and postpartum. I don't always look at these apps daily, but I do go into them weekly.

Second Trimester

The week or so before I hit my second trimester, my boobs started hurting less, bloat turned into an actual baby bump, and my energy returned, which was much appreciated. I started working out again since I did very little during my first trimester. I got back into using my fitness app and taking walks around our neighborhood. However, with the fun of announcing our pregnancy, other symptoms started popping up. Along came the start of uncomfortable sleeping, acid reflux and the dreaded heartburn, and a belly that is very much in the way now when it comes to bending over.

You Want Me to Sleep How?

I'm usually a back sleeper, so reading all the articles and warnings about how it's safer to sleep on your side during the last half of your pregnancy, put a damper on my quality sleep. I could fall asleep on my side but always ended up on my back. Now that my uterus was growing and heavier, sleeping on my back meant my limbs were pins and needles after only an hour or two. And I worried about harming the baby by crushing my vena cava (apparently some really important vein) while sleeping on my back. Also, it just became less comfortable to sleep on my back.

I know most people swear by a full-body pregnancy pillow to help with side sleeping due to the addition of a new belly. So I tried one out but hated it. Pre-pregnancy, I already slept with quite a few pillows to support my neck and hip alignment. Trying to add the body-sized pillow into the mix just didn’t work. Luckily, I found a smaller pregnancy wedge to add in with all my other sleep assistance pillows. And it's been amazing! Not only do I use it when I sleep on my side, but I also use it under my side/back when I inevitably roll onto my back at some point in the night. That wedge keeps me propped up just enough, so my limbs don't fall asleep and gives me some peace of mind that I'm not suffocating my baby by crushing that vein. Irrational fears, I know. I loved this wedge so much that I ordered a second one. So now I have one on either side of me so I can switch sides easily and always have one close to my back. The cost of both pillows combined is only $30, which is much cheaper than a fancy U-shaped or C-shaped full body option.

It Burns, There's a Lump in My Throat, and Do I Have COVID-19?

Spoiler Alert! I do not have the Coronavirus. At least not yet, and hopefully not at all. But I do have acid reflux, and it's uncomfortable. I've had acid reflux before very mildly and very randomly. And usually, it was more of burping and a dry cough. But now my symptoms also include heartburn and the feeling of a lump in my throat, usually around bedtime. The culprits, I’ve deduced, are coffee, chocolate, spicy or saucy foods, onion, and garlic, all my favorite things to consume. How can you have pizza or Italian food without sauce, onion, and garlic?? It's a good thing I ate plenty of chocolate and drank tons of coffee during the first 20ish weeks of pregnancy because as soon as I hit week twenty-one, the fun was over.

Coffee wasn't as hard to limit as I thought it would be. It helped that my energy was back, and I was only drinking one cup about four days a week. I easily made the switch to green tea instead. And now that I have gestational diabetes (more on that in a future post) and working from home with limited access to candy, it wasn't hard to forgo the chocolate either. But especially now that I was self-quarantining and had gestational diabetes and am making all my meals from scratch, how the heck was I going to make yummy, healthier meals without garlic, onions, and tomatoes? The truth is, I can't. I try my best not to put as much of those things into recipes, but at the end of the day, the acid reflux and heartburn are much less now that coffee and chocolate are out of my diet, so taking some TUMS or ginger tea usually does the trick. Also, having an adjustable bed is a godsend for acid reflux. It quiets my dry cough, which is generally worse at night and lets gravity help with the acid and my digestion.

If you don't have an adjustable bed, I highly suggest you get one, especially if you have any sort of asthma or bronchial spasms or lower back pain or acid reflux. We purchased ours before all this pregnancy business since I also have bronchial spasms from about November - March when the weather is either turning or cold. My husband and I opted for a split mattress model so I can elevate while he sleeps flat. I can relieve some of my symptoms, and he isn't kept awake by my hacking cough.

It Can't Possibly Stretch Anymore, Please Tie My Shoes, and It's Sooo Heavy

Once I hit my second trimester, I started growing, and it hasn't stopped. The most noticeable growth happened between weeks 20 - 23. My belly circumference increased two inches in just three weeks. Starting around week twenty, it was like I could FEEEL the skin around my mid-section stretching. And there was much less room in my midsection. I would have to sit up straighter to make room for internal organs or lay on the couch instead of sitting while watching tv.

And my skin was getting tighter. One thing I started doing early on, maybe around weeks twelve or thirteen is lotioning up my mid-section. It feels so good to rub oil and lotion on your tight, itchy expanding belly. And so far, it's doing the trick. No signs of stretch marks yet (even though I’m sure they are coming). And even though I know stretch marks have more to do with genetics than a self-care routine, I'll choose to believe me rubbing oil on my bump two or three times a day is helping. And anyway, it feels so good.

I also noticed somewhere around weeks 20-23 that it was harder to bend over to put on my sneakers. The dress code in my small office is pretty casual, so usually, I wear running shoes to work. There was one morning I remember trying to put my shoes on and tie them, and it was so uncomfortable. I tried sitting down to do it, and that was almost worst. I asked my husband to tie my sneakers, and he laughed at me and said, "No." I think he thought I was dramatic at the time, but I was so annoyed he wouldn't do me a solid.

So I went scouring the place to find everything, a.k.a. Amazon, and came across a wonderful invention called Hickies. They are plastic things that go into the lace holes of your shoes. You can configure them to make shoes looser or tighter, but the best part is there is no tying of laces. Once you have them adjusted to your liking, you just slip your feet in and be on your way. I tried one pair to see if I liked them and then purchased a second pair for my indoor workout shoes. Take that, hubby! Don't need you no mo'.

Again around this magical time of weeks 20-23, I realized walking was becoming uncomfortable instead of relaxing. My belly would tighten if I walked too fast. I already felt like I was walking at the pace of a snail, and I wasn't sure I could walk much slower. I also started getting an achy feeling in my pelvis. During one of my walks, my belly started to tighten, but I was determined to keep walking. So I put my hands under my belly and lifted it for the remainder of my walk. . By the time I got back, my arms felt like they had a workout. I knew I had gained weight, but I didn't realize how much that belly contributed to the pounds.

Thankfully, during one of my many trips to Motherhood Maternity in the early stages of my pregnancy, I purchased a belly support band. I wasn't sure at the time I would ever use it or need it, but it was a reasonable price, so I figured better safe than sorry. And I'm happy I purchased it. It wasn't until a week or two ago that I remembered I had it. I was skeptical it would work, but to my surprise, it has helped when I go on walks. I no longer have contractions that last the entire walk, and my pelvis doesn't hurt. Since walking seems to be the only way I can get out for some fresh air these days that support belt has become a lifesaver.

Drinking ALL the Water and Preparing for Labor

A few other honorable mentions from my second trimester. The first is my ginormous water bottle. It's a 64-ounce beast that has measurements and time reminders to drink all the water. Staying hydrated has helped me stave off leg cramps, swelling, caffeine headaches from giving up coffee, and I'm pretty sure it has also helped my stretching skin. I purchased one for work and then quickly bought another to keep at home. I try to drink between 80-100 oz of water a day, and this water bottle keeps me hitting that target. I take one with me everywhere and have had multiple compliments and questions. I heard about it from a YouTuber I watch, Olivia Zapo. If you are pregnant or a new mama, go check out her channel. I've purchased quite a few things from watching her videos (pregnancy and non-pregnancy) and haven't been disappointed yet.

The second is the Birth Hour podcast. Now that I'm on the other side of this pregnancy, I've become obsessed with labor stories. I stumbled across this podcast and enjoy listening to an episode here and there. There are a ton of episodes, so I usually go through and pick one that has an interesting title or seems relevant to how I think I want to labor. Most episodes are an hour or less, and it's so interesting to hear how each birth is so different. I've come away with some useful resources, book recommendations, and some yes's and no ways for my own birth plan. Definitely worth checking out if you enjoy listening to podcasts and are pregnant or a mom.

My last second trimester essential is YouTube. When my energy came back around week thirteen, I knew I wanted to get back into working out. The fitness app I was using pre-pregnancy had a few prenatal workouts, but I quickly become bored of the same ten routines. So I searched YouTube, and there are so many free prenatal workout videos available, from yoga and stretching to strength training to barre and pilates. It's helped me stay motivated to workout and has plenty of options depending on what I'm feeling that day.

I also still use all the clothes, apps, and journal I used in my first trimester and will continue to use them, plus the items mentioned from my second trimester, into my third trimester.

For all my pregnant/new mamas or seasoned mamas, what essentials do you swear by for pregnancy?

2020 Goals ... Better Late Than Never

Hi Everyone!

I know it's been a while since my last post, but life has had me on an emotional roller coaster these last eight weeks. I tried to use January as a reset month to get back on track with health, fitness, blogging, and setting goals for 2020. But life had other plans, and none of that happened. So here we are halfway through February, and I'm just getting around to sharing my 2020 goals. But before I share my 2020 goals, I wanted to let you in on one of the reasons I haven't been so consistent with my blog posts.

We're having a baby!!! And it's a boy!!

I won't go into too much detail except to say I am currently 21 weeks pregnant, and we confirmed a few weeks ago our little boy has Down syndrome. I don't want this post to be super long, and I want to give proper care, and attention to the topic of Down syndrome and my feelings about this pregnancy so keep checking back, or better yet, subscribe to my email list to get notified when a new post goes live. I plan to write about my first-trimester experience, how we found out about the Down syndrome diagnosis, and my initial reaction and current feelings about his diagnosis. Not to mention the fun stuff like nursery reveal and registry must-haves. Now on to my 2020 goals.

2020 Goals

#1 goal for 2020 = Survive the year

Ideally, I would like to come out of 2020 more than just surviving, but I also don't want to have unrealistic expectations. Having a new baby, especially one that may have medical complications and additional needs, is a huge undertaking, and I'll be happy to end the year with everyone still alive and bathed and fed at regular intervals, hence survival.

I started thinking about how I could put myself in the best possible position for survival once he arrives. I kept coming back to the word "healthy. Not only physically but emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and creatively. And for me being healthy in all these areas means better choices for meals, getting in 30 minutes of activity (almost) every day, reducing stress levels, maintaining relationships, and doing activities I enjoy. So my other goals for 2020 are focused around being healthy to ensure survival.

Goal #2 - Maintain/refine routines & Get back to habits that have gone astray

I am not naive, and I know that I will be at the mercy of a tiny human and his schedule in the back half of the year. BUT I thrive on routine and structure. So I know the habits I can put in place today or in the next few weeks will help me keep some structure in my day post-baby. This goal is an overarching goal with a few sub-goals.

#2A: Maintain Current Routines

A weekly cleaning routine - I already have a system in place to ensure my household chores get completed and have started thinking through what additional tasks I'll need to add to my week (or pass off to my husband) once little man is here.

Bill paying routine - The same goes for paying bills. I pay bills twice a month and in two-week chunks of time on the same day of the week both times. During my second bill paying session, I also review spending for that month and move funds into other "buckets" for household projects, savings, etc. I know I could take it even further and set most of my bills to auto-pay, but then I lose sight of what bills are due when and wouldn't pay too much attention to our spending. Sitting down for 30-40 minutes to review the balance of each invoice, schedule a payment, and move around the remaining budget gives me a sense of peace and control. I like to know where and when our money is coming and going.

A morning routine - Monday - Friday, I wake up about an hour earlier than necessary. I have some quiet time with my cats, do a 20-30 minute workout or some easy stretching if my body isn't feeling it that morning, a 10-minute meditation using my Calm app, and some journaling or reflecting on an oracle card if there's time left.

Having this time to be quiet and get centered before the craziness of the day makes such a difference in my outlook, mood, and energy levels. I'm more positive, friendly, and flexible at work, and I can make it through the day without an extra cup of coffee, no problem. It also makes a difference in my relationships with co-workers, friends, and, most importantly, my spouse. When I feel mentally and physically ready to take on the day, I am more loving and kind to the people in my life.

#2B: Get Back in the Habit of Previous Tried and True Routines

Meal Planning & Prepping - Before October, I had a routine of meal planning, grocery shopping/order pick up, and meal prepping. But the first-trimester exhaustion and then the holidays completely threw this routine out the window. I want to get back to having a meal schedule and prepping lunches and dinners ahead of time. Even if it's just chopping veggies and knowing what protein to take out of the freezer and when. That will be a huge help to cooking clean meals and spending less money eating out because something didn't thaw out or I don't have an ingredient for a recipe.

Goal #3: Put New Routines in Place

Blogging a.k.a. my creative outlet - The one routine I can't seem to nail down is for blogging. I've tried to set aside time after work for blogging tasks, but I don't have the motivation to sit in front of a computer after I've spent all day in front of monitors. Also, my evenings (after cooking dinner and doing my daily chore(s))are for spending time with my husband and cats, and soon my son.

I've also tried doing blogging on the weekend. But other activities, usually at the request of my husband, or an unexpected day of beautiful weather, take priority over blogging. So again, I end up not sticking to my routine or plan, which is why I haven't posted consistently since November. Life always seems to get in the way. The main objective of this goal will be to figure out how blogging fits into my life and how much or how little time I can truly devote to maintaining my site.

Goal #4: Plan for baby and educate myself on Down syndrome

I think planning for baby's arrival is everyone's goal when they find out they are expecting, especially their first child. I need to create my registry, decorate the nursery, sign up for the newborn and labor classes, and ensure we are financially in a comfortable place. These are projects all on their own, and if I think about them too much, I quickly become overwhelmed.

On top of the projects I just mentioned, I have quite a lengthy list of tasks to prepare myself for a child with Down syndrome. I want to read as many books as I can get my hands on. I have to attend the additional medical appointments. I would like to get in contact with local support groups, research early intervention specialists, and learn what financial assistance is available versus what we will need to plan for financially. Serious overwhelm thinking of ALL THE THINGS!

My Top 3 Priorities

I know I said survival is my numero uno, but when I go back and look at the goals I’ve laid out, planning for baby, meal planning and prepping routines, and figuring out what works best for me in terms of blogging are my top 3 priorities over the next five months.

I know meal planning and prepping will be the easiest of the three since I did have a solid routine for quite some time. And I do some meal prepping Sunday mornings already.

Blogging will come down to better planning and scheduling specific tasks to work in 15-30 minute increments rather than trying to hammer out a full post in one night...much like I am doing now.

The baby planning, well, I know that project will reach a finish line sooner or later whether I'm ready or not. I'd rather be prepared, but if I'm not, I'm pretty good at learning on the fly. And like I said, as long as we all end 2020 alive, bathed and fed I'll consider this year a win!

Advice, Tips, I’m All Ears

Please. I want to know. How did you plan for your child with or without additional needs?

Do you have a blog or a creative hobby? If so, how do you find time to work on it?

Any other tips that would help me survive in the months after our child is born?

Trying to Get Pregnant Sucks

Hi friends! I wanted to give today’s post a little introduction/explanation. I wrote this post a few weeks ago after another month of trying to conceive with no success. My body was confusing the hell out of me and I was convinced I was pregnant. The day my period was supposed to arrive came and went and I got just a tiny bit excited. The next morning I planned to take a pregnancy test, but instead was greeted by Aunt Flo and I was devastated. My emotions were all over the place and out came this post.

And while I don’t always feel this way, I do sometimes have difficult days and this particular day was one of my hardest days in the last few months. Writing out my feelings in this post was extremely freeing and therapeutic. But I wasn’t sure if I should share this on the blog. It’s very personal and makes me feel vulnerable and uncomfortable knowing people will read these words. But I want this blog to be real. And the purpose of this blog is to push myself out of my comfort zone. What better way to do that then putting my thoughts and feelings on display. Thank you for taking the time to read this wordy introduction and the post below.

I'm going on a little rant today about trying to get pregnant. I've been feeling ALL the feelings about this topic recently, and need to let it out. So, (deep breath) here it goes.

Trying to get pregnant fucking sucks!

My husband and I have been trying to have a baby for the last 14 months. And I'm just sooo over it. My time is spent peeing on sticks, tracking my cycle, questioning every bodily function, and calendaring every time we have sex. My mind is, unconsciously, in a constant state of anxiety and stress, which, of course, are horrible conditions for getting pregnant.

And when the pee sticks are finally smiling (a.k.a ovulation time), my husband and I are everything but excited to get busy. Seriously. When it’s ovulation time sex feels like such a chore. Don’t get me wrong, I very much enjoy being intimate with my husband, but when it’s something you HAVE to do instead of something you WANT to do it’s just another thing to cross of the to-do list. Which is no fun. BUT...this is our only chance for the next 3-4 weeks to make that baby, so let's get it on.

The first few months, I tried to be nonchalant and even seductive about it being THAT time because I didn't want to put too much pressure on my husband to perform. But the months and months and months of trying for a baby wear on you. And I'm tired of pretending to be super turned on when really I'm just ovulating and want to get down to business so we can move along with our day. This all sounds so sexy, I know.

The Two Week Torture

Then for the next two weeks, I scrutinize every symptom and feeling like, "Hmm, is that a metal taste in my mouth?" or "Do my boobs feel tender?" or "Oh, I'm exhausted today. Hmmm…" And as I get closer to the dreaded period, I start to pick apart every abdominal cramp, every crazy dream, and every dropped utensil. Every time I go to the bathroom, I silently pray, "Please don't see blood. Please don't see blood."

When I don't see blood, usually because it's a day or two too soon, I'm relieved and still hopeful. But when I do eventually see the beginning traces of my period, I'm resentful of my body, disappointed, depressed, and angry. I can’t wrap my brain around it. How could we not be pregnant? We had perfectly timed intercourse, I kept my hips elevated for exactly 15 minutes post sexy time, and I feel like someone inflated my chest with saline while I was sleeping. So, not only am I angry, but I feel betrayed by my body and also foolish for really believing this was it, for the 10th time. I basically shouldn't be around people for the next 24-48 hours. I'm like a child throwing a temper tantrum because they are hungry or tired, and have no clue how to rationalize their feelings.

Babies EVERYWHERE!!

And of course, all I see anywhere I go are babies or pregnant ladies. On my favorite TV show, commercials in between TV shows, ads on the radio, in ALL the stores, the restaurants, driving around my neighborhood… babies are EVERYWHERE except in my uterus. And I don't want to be sad or resentful of these cute babies or the pregnant mommas, but sometimes I am. And that sucks.

So, I allow myself to be miserable for a few days because, according to all the self-help books, you should allow yourself to feel all your feelings. But eventually, I get tired of being miserable. So I give myself my best, "Put your big girl panties on" or "Have faith in your path" or "Be patient, God has perfect timing" speeches until I can pull it together and feel semi-normal just in time to start peeing on sticks all over again. Yeah me!

I know everyone says being pregnant and having children is exhausting, but trying to get pregnant to have those children is also exhausting! Mentally, Physically, Emotionally, Spiritually, Socially. I don't know how many kids’ birthdays or friends’ parties I've turned down because I didn't want to pretend to be interested in a conversation with the guys while all the women are tending to their children. I want to be one of those women! But I’m not yet so, No I don’t want to come to your kid’s 5th birthday party. Maybe next year. This shit definitely takes a toll on your social and emotional well-being.

Emotional Roller Coasters

And can we talk about hormones for a minute? Until I went off the birth control pill, I thought I was a girl who had her shit together emotionally. I had trouble controlling my facial expressions (and still do), but for the most part, I could keep my feelings quietly tucked away on the inside where no one had to see them but me and the very few people I’ve let see me vulnerable.

But now, holy shit, sometimes I think I'm legit insane. I'll be watching a home renovation show, and tears will start streaming down my face. My husband will turn, looking equal parts concerned and scared, and ask if I'm alright. To which I reply, laughing at this point because while also concerned I’m more confused, "I have no clue why I'm crying, but I can't stop."

If I have no idea why I'm crying, how am I supposed to know if what I'm feeling is a legitimate emotion or just my over-active hormones fucking with my sanity? And I am really angry because you brought home the wrong milk or did my estrogen just take a dip? Am I really anxious to drive on the highway, nope that’s the progesterone. I have all these feelings and stress and crazy thoughts just taking up space in my mind day in and day out on a loop every 28-30 days. And all my husband has to do is get it up!

Let me be clear, my husband is wonderful. He is loving, attentive, affectionate, but he has no clue. And he may not admit it, but he doesn't want to know either. He's perfectly happy with as little involvement as necessary. And I get it! I would want to be blissfully unaware, too, if it wasn't happening to me.

So, there you have it, my thoughts on TCC ("trying to conceive"). It's confusing and scary and all kinds of exhausting. It's lonely and heartbreaking and just sad. In a nutshell, it's the fucking worst! ...But also, hopefully, the best lesson on patience I'll ever learn.

If you are in this season of your life like I am, or you struggled to conceive, or maybe you had zero issues, but can understand the struggle, I'd love to hear from you in the comments below.

What are your thoughts on trying to get pregnant?